Trials and Tribulations
by dnaw12
Summary: In which Gabby's mom doesn't have her shit together, Matt's parents don't have their shit together, and they start to depend on each other after being forced to work together. High school AU
1. Chapter 1

**In which Gabby's mom doesn't have her shit together, and Matt's parents don't have their shit together, and after being forced to work together in school they start to depend on each other. High school AU with the typical teenage drama we all love.**

**In which I really wanted a Dawsey High School fic so I started writing it myself, and pray that it isn't too horrible and somewhat interesting. Also I probably could've separated it into chapters but. Let me know what you think, cause that'd be cool. (I have no idea how to work this website btw so sorry if anything's weird)**

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><p>I actually liked school. I had a few friends, the lunch wasn't terrible, and I enjoyed learning new things. Besides, any excuse to get out of my house was a good one. But today we were starting dissections in anatomy, and I had no one to pair up with. Everyone in the class was buzzing around, talking to each other loudly. My class was filled with people I didn't talk to, people I wouldn't necessarily want to talk to. Kids who played sports, kids who were friends with everyone. Kids that I didn't exactly feel like spending the next month cutting a cat open with.<p>

I got up, walking over to my teachers desk, playing with my necklace in a weak attempt to calm my nerves.

"Mr. Grant?" He looked up from his computer, turning his chair to face me."I was wondering if maybe I could dissect alone." Mr. Grant nodded slowly, and then smiling apologetically at me.

"I am sorry Ms. Dawson, but I'm going to need you to partner with Matt." I tried to keep from groaning. "You know if I don't separate those three boys these next few weeks will be a lot harder than they have to." I nodded understandingly and he gave me a small smile. I'd walked back to my desk when he announced that everyone would have who they'd chosen as partners with a few exceptions. I sort of zoned out after that, not exactly interested in listening to the three boys argue about how unfair it was they couldn't work together. I was still lost in my thoughts when I felt someone tap on my shoulder. I jumped slightly, and turned to face the person behind me. It was Matt Casey, smiling down at me.

"Hey, you're Gabby?" I nodded, smiling awkwardly.

"Yeah, you must be Matt." I'd never spoken to him before, and with the possibility of seeming rude decided to just say what was on my mind. "Look, we're going to have to work together for the next month. And I get it, you'd rather be with your friends than me, but could we maybe skip the whole whining stage of that." He raised his eyebrows at me, and I regretted even saying anything to him. But surprisingly, he smiled and laughed slightly.

"Fair enough. We should probably get our stuff yeah?" I nodded, getting out of my seat. "You can pick the cat if you want."

I shook my head. "No I'm alright, you go ahead and choose."

We got through class without having to speak to each other much, and I was relieved when the bell rang. I pushed through the crowded hallway, putting my things in my locker and heading towards lunch. Walking through the hallway towards the lunch room, I suddenly felt someone grab my arm. I let out a quiet shriek, getting a few confused stares, and turned around. There was Shay, grinning at me. I huffed at her and turned back around, continuing to walk. She fell in step beside me.

"So, how was your weekend?" She asked, nudging me.

"Fine, how was yours?" She grinned.

"Well, I got to see Erin, so that was fun." Erin was Shays on and off girlfriend, whom I had yet to meet.

"Seems fun," she looked over at me and nodded.

"What'd you do?" I sighed grabbing a tray with pasta on it.

"Nothing, really. Cleaned around the house, did homework. Had dinner with Antonio." Shay nodded slowly next to me. We payed for our food and headed over to our table in the corner that we usually sat at.

"Was your mom home at all?" I sighed, annoyed that Shay had brought up the topic. My mom tended to work a lot, taking on overtime to pay the bills. Since my dad had died I barely saw her, first because she stayed locked up in her room, now because she was never home. Antonio was only 24, and starting off his career as a cop, so I barely saw him. But I'd learned to deal with it.

"No she wasn't home. Why do you always ask me anyways?" Shay put her hands up defensively.

"Just wondering how you're doing. Hey did you hear about Matt and Hallie breaking up?" I shook my head.

"I don't even know who Hallie is." Shay rolled her eyes at me.

"Oh stop acting all superior because you don't bother keeping up with what's going on around here. She's the tall one, tennis team, kind of tan, wavy hair. She's kinda hot if you ask me." I looked up from my tray to grin at Shay. "Anyway, she was dating Matt Casey. They broke up. Everyone's been talking about it do you just never pay attention?" I nodded slowly.

"How interesting," I said with mock intrigue. Shay threw a napkin at me.

"Hey, you need to sleepover this weekend. We haven't properly hung out in forever." I looked up to see her looking at me intently. I'd sort of been neglecting Shay lately. Since my mom had taken up another job, I tried to make sure I was home whenever she was. And I'd been swamped with school work. I felt bad that I hadn't been making an effort to be with Shay.

"Of course. I miss your moms lasagna anyway." Shay grinned at me and scrunched up her nose.

"Yeah I'm at my dads this weekend, so we'll probably order in."

"Sounds good." We spent the rest of lunch talking, and I left her when the bell rang with the promise to meet up for pizza later that night.

The rest of the day went by uneventful, and next thing I knew it I was in the library after school, doing homework. I liked the silence of the library more than the silence of my house. In the library it was comfortable, there were other people around talking in hushed voices, the sound of pencil on paper and some kids music quietly playing through his headphones. At my house the silence was daunting, and it just felt empty in cold.

I worked on my calculus, tapping my pencil occasionally to the beat of my music. I was startled when I looked up and saw Matt sitting across from me, grinning. Quickly taking my headphones out and shoving them in my pocket, I looked at him confused.

"Hi. What are you doing here?"

"Homework. What about you?"

"Homework." We sort of stared at each other, him grinning, me probably looking incredibly uncomfortable. "Okay, so I'm going to work on my homework now."

"Go ahead, you don't need my permission." I smiled slightly and picked up my pencil, getting started again on my math. After a few minutes of working in silence, he spoke up again. "So why are you doing homework at the library?" I sighed and put my pencil down.

"Well I was doing my homework at the library because it's nice and quiet here. Easier to concentrate," I said pointedly.

"Just trying to make conversation."

"Look Matt, you seem like a nice guy and everything, and we'll be working together for the next month. So I'd kind of appreciate it if you wouldn't start getting my nerves already now." I took a deep breath to calm myself. He looked somewhat shocked that I'd said that. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Look, I'm sorry. I've just been really stressed lately, and I'm trying to finish this so I can get home." He looked somewhat guilty now, and nodded, picking up a textbook and starting to read. Once he'd been enveloped in that for a good minute I picked my pencil back up and started working on math. We worked in silence for about an hour and a half, before the librarian announced that we had to leave. I packed up my things, and got up to see Matt standing there waiting for me. I wondered why he was so intent to talk to me.

We left the library, walking out to the front of the school next to each other in silence.

"I've actually wanted to talk to you for a while," Matt said. I looked over at him quickly.

"Oh yeah? Why is that?"

"Well I go to the library everyday to do homework too. I saw you doing calculus, and I'm not necessarily the best at math so. I was going to ask you to tutor me." I thought it over, wondering if he was being serious or just felt bad for annoying me earlier. I'd never really noticed him at the library before, but then again I hadn't really cared enough to pay attention to who was there.

"Well, I can help you if you need. Just ask." I looked over at him. He was smiling down at me.

"Thanks. Do you have someone picking you up, or?" We'd reached the front doors and had stopped. There was only one other kid in the lobby, sitting in the corner with his headphones in.

"Oh no, I walk." He nodded.

"Alright, well, I'll see you tomorrow then Gabby." I smiled and nodded, turning to walk away. The entire walk home was actually pleasant, knowing that 4th hour wouldn't be a headache since Matt actually wasn't a horrible person.

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><p>"Be careful, you don't want to accidentally cut the-"<p>

"I know, Matt. trust me, I'm being very careful" I said through gritted teeth. "I'm trying to concentrate and be careful, and you're distracting me."

"Alright I'll shut up!"

The two past weeks had actually been good. I'd found somewhat of a friendship with Matt. Between helping him with math and anatomy together we'd started talking more, and he wasn't the obnoxious popular kid I'd made him out to be. Deciding I was done, I stood up straight and handed him the scalpel.

"How does that look?" He bent over and looked at the muscle I'd just cut.

"It looks good. Smells disgusting, but." He looked over at me and smiled. "You should be a doctor or something someday."

"That is the plan" I said before walking over to the sink to rinse off our tools.

"Really?" He followed me over and took one of the tools from me, getting soap and scrubbing it down. "Like you wanna go to med school and everything."

"Yeah. Why do you think I'm in so many math and science classes. It's definitely not for fun. If I wanted fun I'd take that cooking class you're in."

"Pro start, and hey you have to admit that stir fry I made the other day was really good!" I raised my eyebrows and smiled at him as we packed up the cat, which was arguably the worst part.

"It was. You should cook me a real meal one day." The second I said it I regretted it, realizing I probably sounded like I was coming on to him. I was surprised when he nodded.

"I will. How about this weekend?"

"Uhh, sure." The bell rang and I quickly gathered my things. "Are we going to study together later?"

"Yeah, I'll see you then."

I walked out of the classroom and made my way to lunch, finding Shay at a table with Kelly. Kelly was the biggest ladies man at out school, but a pretty cool guy once you got to know him. I slid into the empty seat and put my things down.

"Hey girl! How's your day going?" I grabbed a few fries off of Shays tray, ignoring the indignant protest.

"Good. How've you been Kelly? Football season going well?"

"Yeah, we're undefeated so far."

"He's also hooked up with 3 cheerleaders so far too, so."

"Be quiet Shay." I grinned at the two of them.

"How's Erin, Shay?"

"Good! We hung out again this weekend."

"You two hooked up yet?"

"Chill, Kelly. We're taking it slow." I shook my head at the two as they started bantering, and pulled out my English notebook, figuring I should get some work done since Matt had a test tomorrow, and we'd likely spend our time studying for that.

Shay and Kelly continued talking while I worked. A few minutes had passed when I feel someone slide into the seat next to me. I looked over and saw it was Matt.

"Hey dude, what's up?" Kelly asked. They did some weird dude handshake.

"Nothing much. You guys have got a good season going on, congrats." Kelly nodded and Matt turned over to me. "So I have to talk to one of my coaches this afternoon, it should only take a few minutes but I didn't want you to think I was standing you up." I nodded.

"Yeah thanks for telling me. How's your day going?"

"Good, surprisingly didn't force us to do book work so-" he stopped talking at the sound of Shay clearing her throat. I rolled my eyes at her and smiled at Matt.  
>"Matt this is Leslie-"<p>

"But you can call me Shay. So, how do you know Gabby here?" I groaned and stood up.

"I'm really not interested in this conversation, I'm going to go grab a sandwich." I stood up and walked to the lunch line, grabbing a sandwich and heading back to the table. As I got closer I realized someone had taken my seat. I went and sat next to Shay, smiling at everyone as I sat down.

"Hey, Gabs, this is Hallie." And then, I became irritated. Just from what Shay had told me, I assumed that she was here because Matt was here. I also assumed she had some ideas about me, so when I smiled at her, it was definitely tight.

"Hey, so you and Matt are good friend?"

"Yeah." I opened up my sandwich and started eating, letting them go back to their conversation. I really wasn't interested in petty high school drama, because Hallie probably thought I was trying to take her boyfriend. Knowing if I got involved I'd likely say a snarky comment which may lead to a good handful of the juniors hating me, I kept my mouth shut. I did notice Matt looking at me every once in a while, almost apologetically. Finally I'd finished my sandwich and Hallie had left, so I got up saying a quick goodbye to everyone with promises to call Shay later that evening. As I was walking away I felt someone grab my backpack from behind. I turned around and saw Matt, and he caught up, walking next to me.

"Sorry about how weird that was." I shrugged.

"Why was it weird?"

"I mean, cause Hallie's my ex, and she probably thinks we're dating or something. She was just being obnoxious."

"Matt, I don't care, all right. I don't enjoy drama, we're friends, if she has a problem she can figure it out herself."

"See that's why I like you."

"Why cause I don't tolerate teenage girl bullshit."

"Damn, Gabby." The bell rang and he put his hand on his shoulder, stopping me. "We're still doing dinner this weekend right?"

"Oh, yeah. I mean I was kidding about it but if you want to?"

"Yeah, I'll text you the time and address. Saturday works?"

"Yeah, Saturday's fine." He smiled and waved at me as he walked off. And for some reason now I was nervous about having a friend make me dinner.

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><p>As I stood in front of the mirror in my room on Saturday, I tried to think about what was making me so nervous. It wasn't Matt. Learning more about him, I'd come to realize he was a huge dork. He was constantly making puns and stupid jokes, and avoided talking about all the drama going on in our school. I found out he liked to read, and was a lot more compassionate than that annoying guy who's friends constantly interrupted class. Maybe it was just the implications of what him making me dinner meant. It seemed like a weirdly adult thing to do. Which had me stressing about what to wear. Stressing out about an outfit wasn't something that I usually did, but here I was. Despite me worrying about what I was wearing, I had ended up in a hoodie and leggings slightly rolled up, with my ratty old sneakers. I grabbed my phone and wallet, and left my room, closing the door behind me. Before I walked out I suddenly realized I should check to see if my mom was home. Calling out her name I realized she wasn't, but my anxiousness for what was coming kept me from worrying about her like I normally did. Shoving my key in my pocket, I started walking to Matt's house. It wasn't a very long walk, but it was slightly cooler out since it was October, and halfway through I wished I'd worn more layers. When I finally got to his house I triple checked that I was at the right address, and rang the doorbell. I was waiting there for a good 2 minutes. It almost sounded like there was yelling going on inside of the house, and I was about to walk away when the door when Matt slipped out.<p>

"Hey, sorry that took me so long."

"Yeah it's fine. Are we gonna go in, it's freezing" I said, smiling slightly.

"Listen, uh my parents are being really annoying right now, and we have like no groceries. Is it okay if we go grab pizza, or something instead?" Despite wanting to insist, the look on his face made him seem like there was more to that going on. So I nodded, and started to walk down the steps.

"Yeah I'm fine, but we're going to whatever's closest. I am, freezing." Matt grinned at me and joined me, as we started walking.

"One of your parents couldn't drive you?" I faltered in my response, but eventually got out a quiet

"They're both busy." We made idle small talk on the way to the pizza place, and Matt laughed at my relief in getting inside the pizza place.

"Geez, Gabby your face is red."

"Yeah well, I realize now I should've worn more layers alright." We ordered and sat down. After starting to eat, I decided to start talking. "So, do you have any siblings?" Some emotion I couldn't recognize flickered across his face, before he nodded.

"Yeah, she's in college right now. She wants to be a teacher. What about you?"  
>"A brother, he's training to be a cop."<p>

"We that'll keep the boys away." I grinned.

"Please Matthew, I can handle myself."

"Oh I know you can. I remember last year with Jeff Summers." I groaned.

"Don't even mention that. He's such a douchebag though, what did he expect me to say?" He laughed at me and our conversation continued. I suddenly realized we'd been sitting for about three hours, and it was nearing 10 at night.

"We've been sitting here for like 3 hours." Matt's eyebrows suddenly raised as he gathered his things to throw away.

"Shit. My dad's gonna be pissed." I gathered my things too, and we threw our stuff out and left the place. We stood outside for a second before Matt spoke up. "Can you get a ride from one of your parents? I'm fine to walk home but."  
>"There's a bus stop a block away, I'll just take the next one."<p>

"You sure?" I nodded.

"Yeah I don't want you to get in trouble. My parents won't care."

"I wish my parents didn't care. I'll see you Monday." He wrapped his arms around me for a quick hug and I muttered a quiet goodbye before turning to head towards the nearest bus stop.

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><p>With my house so empty, I often spent a lot of time thinking. And considering I'd spent some time with Matt, it was normal that I was thinking of him right? Something bothered me about his worry that his father would be angry and the yelling going on inside of his house. When I later asked about his family, he was reluctant to answer question, which hey I completely understood, but it just rubbed me the wrong way. So sitting across the table from him in the library, it was all I could think about.<p>

"Gabs, stop looking at me all weird." I feigned confusion and insisted I wasn't, before going back to pretending to read for AP US. After sitting there for another 10 minutes not because able to focus on what was in front of me, I figured this was pointless.

"Look, there's no way I'm getting any of this done right now or even tonight. I'm starving, I think I'm gonna go home." He shrugged and started to gather up his books as I did the same.

"Fine by me. Hey we have that big dissection grade two days from now on Friday, and I have a doctors appointment on Thursday, so I won't be there. You think he'd let us postpone it, or are you okay with doing the work yourself?"

"Please, as if I don't already do all the work myself." He nudged me with his elbow slightly, and I grinned at him. When we made it to the lobby and I was about to walk away, what was itching me inside was too bothersome to ignore, so I turned around and asked.

"Why do you do your homework at the library?" At first I thought he may not understand what I meant because of how weirdly I'd asked it. He sort of stared at me for a minute, slightly open mouthed, and suddenly I felt dumb for even asking. I was about to brush it off and say it wasn't a big deal, when he answered.

"My parents are always fighting so. It should get better though, they're getting divorced soon." He looked somewhat somber. I wasn't sure if it was because I felt guilty about asking him and him answering so honestly. Maybe it was because I just felt like I needed to tell someone.

"My dad died a few years back. My moms hardly ever home, so it feels weird to be there. By myself. That's why I..." I sort of trailed off, waving my hand in the air to indicate god knows what. I was thankful when he didn't look at me pitifully, or apologize or some other bullshit response I would expect. Instead he smiled slightly at me.

"I'll see you tomorrow Gabby." I smiled back and nodded, giving a slight wave as I turned around and headed into the cool autumn air. And surprisingly I felt lighter, and almost looked forward to our next conversation even more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, I wrote this chapter in a week. The other one took me months to finish. Mostly just because I didn't plan on posting it anywhere so it wasn't a priority. I've had beginnings and endings to certain chapters already written or planned for a while, so. Anyways, I'm glad people enjoyed this! This is the first story I've written so it's cool that some people like it. Also I'm starting to understand this website more so. **

**I know that Gabby's story line isn't accurate to what her background likely is in the show, but oh well. I may not stay completely accurate to what we know about Matt's background too to be honest but. Probably also fair to mention that they are juniors in high school. Hope you enjoy this chapter, and tell me what you think!**

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><p>I was trying to work on the worksheet my anatomy teacher had given us when I felt someone tapping my shoulder for the 3rd time since class had started. I rolled my eyes and turned around.<p>

"Yes, Matt?"

"What's the answer to 4?"

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"I mean no, I'm not giving you the answer!"

"Gabs, c'mon I've been trying to figure it out for the past five minutes." I gave him a look that hopefully said 'really?', before telling him the answer was c. He grinned at me and got back to his work.

We'd finished dissections a month and a half ago, and to the pleasure of our teacher, Matt had moved over to sit by me, meaning the obnoxious kids in the corner had quieted down a little. We still did homework together after school, and had started hanging out outside of school often. Which was strange, since both of us wanted to avoid going to our homes. But we really needed to figure out somewhere to talk at that didn't serve food, I was gaining weight from the amount of times we'd gotten pizza and coffee. I figured there was no way we'd end up hanging out at Matt's house any time soon. From the little we talked about it his parents were holding off on the divorce, but it didn't make anything better. The more I thought about it, I realized how sick I was of being alone in my house all the time. So I spent the rest of the class wondering how to casually ask him to hang out at my house, and trying to figure out what we'd even do. I hadn't even realized the bell rang until I felt Matt tapping my shoulder and telling me we had to leave. I gathered my things and we left the classroom and started walking to lunch.

"You know that new horror movie coming out? We should go see it."

"Yeah, sounds cool. Hey so do you want to come over after school today? I probably have some tips left over from work, we can order a pizza or I can make food or something." He looked somewhat shocked about that fact that I'd invited him over but quickly wiped it off his face and nodded.

"Yeah, sounds cool. I've got to make up a test, but come to my locker after school, I drove today." I nodded and we parted ways. Heading through the line I got food, and proceeded to find Shay sitting by herself at our regular table.

"Hey girl!" Shay grinned at me as I sat down across from her. "Ugh, you have no idea how stressed out I am. I kind of forgot what it was like to have to do work since I took basically all blow off classes last year."

"Yeah having to do work does tend to suck."

"Doesn't it? So, how's Matt?"

"Good." Shay was giving me a weird smile but I elected to ignore it. "He sat with us yesterday wouldn't you know how he's doing?"

"Ugh cut the crap, Gabs. We all know that you two are super close now. You should just get together already." I groaned.

"Seriously Shay? We're just friends, alright? Turns out he's not some popular douche-bag like I thought he was."

"No he just hangs out with douche-baggy people. Shame huh? Speaking of douche-bags, these girls in my class were bitching about the fact that they cut some of the funding from the football and cheer leading team to help pay for the school musical. You'd think considering the fact that these people are school spirited they'd care about things other than boys sports but. Nope. Just screw the arts I guess."

"That's aggravating. You know someone should bring that up to them."

"Yeah. Did I tell you about the art project I'm doing?" I shook my head and proceeded to eat while listening to Shay explain her project to me.

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><p>Once lunch was over, my classes seemed to go by quickly, and next thing I knew I was walking towards Matt's locker to meet up with him. I cursed when I saw that he was getting his stuff surrounded by people all engaged in conversation, and stood back for a minute, hoping he'd notice me. When he didn't I figured I'd end up having to approach them, and my hand went up to my necklace and started rubbing it, in hopes to calm my nerves. When I'd somewhat penetrated the circle of people Matt noticed me and interrupted whoever was talking.<p>

"Hey guys, this is Gabby." I got a few 'sup Gabby's and some polite nods from the girls. I smile back awkwardly praying Matt wouldn't stay and finish the conversation, and thanked god when he closed his locker and grabbed his bag off the ground. "I'll talk to you all later, alright." We started off down the hallway and I sighed in relief.

"Well that was awkward."

"What? Why was it awkward?"

"I don't know it just is. You're such a people person."

"Please, Gabs. You're like the coolest person I know, if they got to know you they'd all love you."

"Yeah okay. Whatever you say." He grinned down at me. "So, I probably should've thought ahead because now that I've thought about it, there's nothing to do in my house." Matt scoffed at me.

"There can't be nothing to do. We'll figure something out!" We got out to his car and got in, and I gave him my address. We pulled out from the parking lot, and I started to get nervous. I hadn't had anyone over for a while, not even Shay. I didn't know if my mom was home or not. And it would be so embarrassing if she'd forgotten to pay the electricity bill like she had a few months ago. I suddenly got incredibly nauseous and regretted even inviting him over. I was pulled out of my thoughts when country music started blasting out of the speakers. I looked over at Matt in exasperation. He was grinning at me and somewhat swinging along to the music.

"Are you serious? Country?" I had to somewhat yell to even hear my own voice.

"Hell yeah I'm serious! Cheer up Gabs!" I practically screamed when he let out a 'yee-hah' and started singing along, and then I couldn't hold back my laughter. I was practically reduced to tears from laughing watching him sing along to this obnoxious song, and was still laughing at him when I realized we'd reached my block. I turned the speakers down and before he had a chance to express his disappointment pointed out my house to him.

"Right there, you can pull into the driveway." He did and I hopped out, grabbing my backpack and pulling my keys out of my pocket. I walked up to the door and he followed, standing behind me as I stuck the key in the lock and unlocked the door. I took a deep breath, and then opened the door. My mother's shoes weren't by the door so I assumed she wasn't home. I dropped my backpack on the ground and told him he could to the same. We walked through the living room and into the kitchen, and I finally turned around and faced him. "So, do you want a snack or something?" Thankfully he didn't look judgmental, although I feel like the thought that he would was me just being irrational.

"Yeah, sure." Taking another deep breath, I walked over to the fridge, praying that there were some groceries there. There wasn't anything in there but rice and butter.

"Okay bad news," I said, turning to face him. "We have like, no food. But, we have a ton of takeout menus. So, Chinese, Greek, or Thai?"

"Definitely Chinese." I nodded and went to the cabinet, and started sorting through the food menus. God it was embarrassing, I didn't have any food in my fridge. And it seemed dumb and trivial to be upset, but here I was with one of my friends in this empty feeling house of mine, with no food in the fridge, no family here saying hi to him, just me and nothing to do. I bit my lip and pulled my phone out, ordering the food. Once I'd done that, I turned around. Matt was staring at me intently looking worried almost. I smiled at him.

"So, what do you want to do?"

* * *

><p>"You know for someone who's never played scrabble, you were actually pretty good at it."<p>

We were sitting on the floor of my living room, half eaten cartons of noodles surrounding us. I'd pulled out the board games that were hidden in a cabinet and hadn't been touched since my father died, and we decided on playing some of them.

"Don't act like you're not upset about the fact that I beat you twice." I threw a game piece at him and he swatted it away.

"Oh please, Matthew. I'm still not over the fact that you like country music. I'm genuinely considering breaking this friendship because of that."

"Yeah yeah. Hey, I don't know if it's cool of me to ask this or not, but were you okay earlier?" My heart sort of stopped in my chest for a second, and I looked down at my lap, trying to figure out how to answer.

"Yeah. I mean-" I paused not knowing how to continue. It felt like forever, had passed when I decided to just tell him. Because hell, what did I have to lose. "It's just embarrassing. You know, because my house is so empty. There's literally no food in my fridge, and everything looks like it hasn't been touched in weeks. Because it hasn't. My mom's never home, and half the time she is, she's drunk." I wasn't sure why I was telling him all of this. I was starting to get nauseous, and I could feel tears filling my eyes, but for some reason I just kept talking. "You know she got rid of everything after my dad died? She just boxed up, everything that reminded her of him. There's no photos, nothing, because she couldn't stand to look at it. But she's never here. So I'm the one who's left with nothing around to remind me of the good times with my dad, and no one to talk to. I have to come home, everyday, to this wasteland. I just feel so alone. I don't even feel like I have a family anymore and I hate it. And I know that probably wasn't the way you saw it, but I'm just so embarrassed. Cause you're my friend, and you're so cool, and genuine, and great, and I just feel so pathetic." I wiped at the few tears that had fallen, and looked up at Matt, giving him a shaky smile.

His face seemed void of emotion, but after a few seconds he came over and sat down next to me, wrapping his arms around me. It just made me start sobbing. I wrapped my arms around him as tight as I could, and just started gross sobbing. That went on for about 5 minute before I pulled away, and looked up and started laughing. "Gabs, what are you laughing about."

"God we've only known each other for like, 3 months."

"Yeah, isn't it a little too soon to start unloading emotional baggage." His grin told me he was kidding and I leaned back and sat back cross legged, him doing the same. "In all seriousness, I'm glad you told me. Don't feel pathetic. You're one of the best people I know, and I'm so glad I met you." I snorted.

"Yeah, only because you'd be failing algebra." He shook his head, and it reassured me, to know that he was serious. I nodded and looked down again. "You know since I unloaded all of that on you, you can dump any emotional baggage you want on me." He nodded slowly and smiled slightly at me.

"Not now. But you'll be the first person I come to." We sort of just sat across from each other looking at each other for a moment, before I stood up.

"Want to help me clean all this stuff up?" He nodded and stood up, grabbing the containers and following me to the kitchen. I put all the things in the fridge as he went and started to sigh in relief. Thankfully me freaking out didn't seem to ruin our friendship. I looked at the clock over the oven and saw it read 9:37. I walked out to the living room. "Hey, I don't know if you want to head out, it's gonna be ten soon."

"Yeah I should probably get going." I walked over to the door with him and he got his things together. He wrapped his arms around me in a hug, and I let myself breathe in his warmth for a moment before letting go. "I'll see you Monday."

"Bye." I said, opening the door and watching him walk out. Once he'd gotten into his car, I closed and locked the door, turning off all the lights and making my way to my bedroom. I got ready for bed, and when I lay in bed that night I didn't ache for the noise of someone still up watching tv or doing things. And I didn't feel like I was in an empty house all alone, despite that I was. I actually felt like things were finally going my way.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe you convinced me to go running." I groaned at Matt as he sat down next to me at lunch. "It's the middle of November, it's freezing, and I haven't run in months."<p>

"Yeah well you promised. And I've got to start training for hockey season."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll still go, but you can't be mad about me complaining the whole time." Shay rolled her eyes at me.

"Gabs when was the last time you even fast walked? I can't imagine you running, I might have to come along."

"Shut up Shay, you literally go home everyday and watch T.V. all afternoon."

"Hey I'll admit to it!" Matt laughed at us.

"You know you could come with us too Shay."

"Yeah, I appreciate the offer, but I'll pass. You two should come to the art show down at south high school Friday though! I got something entered, it's this whole fancy thing where you dress nice and all that. They give out awards, you guys can sit with me."

"Yeah that sounds cool." I looked over at Matt. "You want to go?" He nodded.

"Yeah, sounds cool. I'll be right back, I've got to go talk to Kelly." Shay watched him walk away before turning to me.

"You know I heard some girls talking about you in class today."

"What? What were they saying?"

"Ugh just whining about how you don't deserve Matt, dumb crap. I figured I should tell you though, you know, best friends duties and all." I nodded slowly, feeling annoyed. I shook it off though, and asked Shay

"Speaking of best friend duties. Am I ever going to meet Erin?"

"Actually, yes. You will meet her Friday. That's actually why I invited Matt, that way we both have dates. And you won't have to be the awkward third wheel." I rolled my eyes at her. "Oh my god, we should go dress shopping!" I groaned.

"That was sarcasm, right? This isn't like a super serious you need to dress nice thing, is it? You just want to drag me along shopping with you cause you know I hate it."

"Yeah of course. C'mon Gabs, it'll be fun. There's no way the last dress you bought still fits you." My mouth dropped open and of course at that moment Matt got back to the table and sat down. He laughed at my expression and I glared at him, before turning back to Shay.

"Okay, that's rude."

"Ugh, please Gabs, it's from two years ago. You've definitely filled up in, ya know, the chest area since then." I spared a glance at Matt whose eyebrows were raised and at Shay who was grinning at my like a maniac and covered my eyes, sliding down in my seat.

"This conversation is not happening right now." Matt and Shay both laughed at me as I tried to recover from that embarrassment, and tried to figure out a way to tell Shay that we should go shopping without her ego inflating too much.

* * *

><p>Ever since Shay had suggested that this was a double date, I'd been stressed. I was wearing a black dress with thin sleeves that did absolutely nothing to keep me warm, black tights, and black ankle boots I'd gotten from my moms closet. I grabbed my leather jacket, wallet, keys and phone, and went downstairs to wait for Matt to pick me up. As I was heading down the stairs I heard some noise coming from the kitchen. Confused, instead of just leaving I head in there to see my mom, putting away a bag of groceries.<p>

"Mom?" She turned around and smiled when she saw me, coming over to give me a hug. I hadn't seen her in almost a week, and to my relief she didn't reek of alcohol.

"Gabriela!" She pulled away from our hug and kept her hands on my arms, stepping back and looking me up and down. "Why are you dressed up so nice?"

"Um, I didn't realize you were going to be home. Shay had an art thing, that I was going to."

"Oh." The smile on her face fell. "I was hoping since I was home we could do something."

"You were home last week mom," I said bitterly, looking down at my shoes. She obviously understood that I meant when she stumbled in drunk Monday night crying, and I had to get her into bed.

"You know what I mean." I looked up and saw the hurt on her face, but I wasn't about to apologize.

"Yeah." I felt my phone vibrate in my hand and checked it, seeing Matt had arrived to pick me up. "I've got to go, my friend's here to get me."

"Shay?"

"No, a new friend mom. Matt." Her eyebrows raised.

"I'll come out to meet him." I held my hand up.

"No, it's fine."

"Gabby-"

"Fine, whatever. Come out to meet him, but we have to go so hurry." I snapped. I sighed and looked up at her. "I'm sorry. Please." I turned around and started walking out, and she followed behind me. Matt was leaning against the passenger door of the car, and was about to say something when I came out but was obviously caught off guard at the sight of my mom trailing behind me. I gave him a tight smile and walked up to him, my mom coming to stand next to me. "Matt, this is my mom. Mom this is Matt." He smiled at her and shook her hand.

"Nice to meet you . Is there any time she needs to be home by?"

"No, whenever is fine, Matt. Thank you for asking. You two have a good time." Matt opened the door for me and I got in, and once he'd closed the door I let out a deep breath and closed my eyes. I opened them only once we'd pulled out of my driveway and started driving away. I then put on my leather jacket, stuffing all of my things in the pockets. When I looked over at Matt he had glanced at me. I smiled at him and he turned back to the road.

"You okay Gabs?"

"Yeah. First time I've seen her sober in almost a month." I looked back over at him and he nodded, keeping his eyes on the road.

"If you wanted to stay home I'm sure Shay would've understood."

"Nope. The last place I want to be right now is there."

"Okay." We drove in silence the rest of the way, until we pulled up to the private school that the art show was at. Watching the people walk by us as we parked I was glad I'd gotten a new dress, because this did seem to be a more formal event. I was woken from my thoughts when I felt the cold air come from the car door being open. I looked over and saw Matt smiling at me, hand held out. "Ready to go in, my lady." I let out a quiet laugh and mumbled you're such a dork, before unbuckling my seat belt and getting up, putting my hand in his. He took my arm in his and then closed the door, locking the car once we started walking in.

"God it's getting cold out." My nose scrunched up in distaste.

"Yeah, I like it though."

"Why?"

"I don't know. It's comforting. Hockey season starts, my dad's home less. All things I look forward to." I decided not to mention the dad thing but instead brought up hockey.

"Wait, if you're playing hockey that means you can't come distract me from studying every day!"

"Sadly, yes."

"Matthew, nooooo." I said jokingly. He looked down at me and laughed at my antics, opening the door to the school. We started following the signs pointing to where all the artwork was. "In all seriousness, it's going to be weird not seeing you everyday."

"Yeah, that's the one thing I'm not looking forward to. But sometimes we have later practices, so we can still get together. And I cleared coming to practice late one day a week with my coach so we could study." That made me feel a little better.

"I mean it is important to keep up your grades."  
>"Nah, I just want to hang out with you." He grinned down me, and was about to say something else when suddenly heard Shay's voice.<p>

"You guys made it!" He dropped my arm from his and Shay wrapped her arms around me. "I'm so glad you came." She went to hug Matt and I noticed a petite girl with wavy black hair standing behind Shay. She noticed me looking at I smiled at her.

"You're Erin?" She nodded.

"Yeah you must be Gabby." She stepped in to stand next to Shay. "Leslie's told me a lot about you."

"Yeah I've heard a lot about you too. This is Matt, Matt this is Shay's girlfriend Erin." They nodded at each other and next thing we knew Shay was dragging us off to show us her artwork.

* * *

><p>"So, you doing anything for thanksgiving?" We'd just gotten off of school for thanksgiving break, and Matt and I had walked to the coffee shop closest to the school. We were sitting on a sofa in the back, me drinking what was practically a bowl of coffee and Matt eating cake. I saw a crumb on his face and reached up flicking it off before leaning back.<p>

"Yeah, my sister Christie is coming home from school. Which is cool, because that's one of the only times my dad doesn't act like a total ass."

"Why is that?" Matt sighed.

"I don't know, she's his favorite child. Either way, I'll take it. As long as he's not yelling at me or my mom it's a good holiday." I put my hand on his arm and rubbed my thumb along his wrist.

'I'm sorry. You really don't deserve your dad being an ass to you."

"Yeah well, what're you gonna do. What are you doing?" I pulled my hand away and took a sip of my coffee.

"Well, my mom has to work because of Black Friday, so. Either get a pizza or meet up with my brother, unless he's got something going on with his girlfriends family."

"That sucks."

"Yeah well, what're you gonna do." He smiled at me slightly and rolled his eyes.

"If I wasn't putting you in an awkward position I'd invite you over."

"Thanks, but honestly my family never made a big deal out of thanksgiving. I'll probably just eat and read for a while then go to sleep. You should come over though, if you can get a chance. I know hockey tryouts start over break but."

"Yeah that'd be awesome."

We sat around talking for another hour or so, and then parted our ways. As I got home I started to feel disappointed and slightly sad. Because now I was going to spend a week without seeing Matt, and there were already so many things that I wanted to talk about with him. To distract myself I grabbed a book and lied down on the couch, letting myself stop thinking about Matt which I'd been doing far too often lately.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much to everyone reviewing! It really makes me smile, I'm so glad people are enjoying this. Also yes Dawsey will happen eventually, I'm just going to keep you waiting. So yeah, hope you enjoy this chapter :)**

**By the way, abuse is mentioned in this chapter! It doesn't go into detail or anything but I figured I should mention it.**

* * *

><p>"So when exactly is your first game?" Shay asked Matt. We were all over at my house, Matt helping Shay and I with an english project.<p>

"Next Friday. You guys should come."

"Yeah sure." I looked over at Shay and she nodded in approval.

"Fair warning though, Gabby and I know nothing about hockey so."

"Well don't worry about it. Just cheer when everyone else is cheering."

"Yeah I guess that sounds easy enough. Hey pass me that glue." Matt handed the glue over to me. After gluing the sheet of paper I was holding I picked up my phone, checking to see if I'd gotten any messages from my mom. It was already halfway through the month, and I hadn't seen her since she'd left for work on thanksgiving. "Everything good?" Matt asked and I looked up to see him and Shay looking at me intently.

"Uh yeah. I just haven't seen my mom in a while, so. I'm waiting to hear from her." I didn't look up to avoid seeing their faces.

"How long has she been gone?" Matt asked. I could hear the concern in his voice.

"Since thanksgiving. But honestly it's no big deal. I've gone longer without seeing her."

"One time she disappeared on Gabs for a whole month." I looked up when I heard Shay say that and saw how bitter she looked. We'd only been 13 at the time and it was right after my dad had died. I was a mess and Shay had watched after me, sneaking me groceries and giving me money when I ended up having the pay the electricity and water bill. To say the least Shay did not like my mom. "God it's so unfair it makes me angry. You know-"

"Let's just drop it, Shay. Okay?" I could tell she understood that I didn't want to talk about it, and thankfully, she changed the subject.

"So Erin and I broke up." My eyebrows went up.

"What? Why?"

"I don't know I guess she just wasn't feeling it."

"I'm sorry Shay." I heard Matt say. "You know if you have any of her stuff left over we can always throw a bonfire." I chuckled and Shay smiled at him appreciatively.

"Yeah, as great as that'd be, we've got more important things to work on right now, this is due Monday."

* * *

><p>I stood up and cheered with everyone else as our team scored again. Shay and I were bundled up and had a blanket wrapped around our shoulders. It was freezing and despite the fact I knew so little about sports I was having fun. I'd never really gone to any school games before, but maybe it was the fact that I knew Matt was down there kicking ass. Twice now he'd looked up and caught my eye, giving me a huge grin. Maybe it was just the fact that he was so excited that it made me excited, but I was proud to watch him. Shay and I sat back down, and Shay handed over the hot chocolate we'd decided to share.<p>

"Hey have you invited him to do our gift exchange with us?"

"No not yet." I kept my eyes on the rink, watching the game. "I wish we could do a secret santa but there's only three of us."

"I could always as Kelly to join. I know you don't know him as well as Matt and I but it could be cool." I shrugged.

"Yeah. Or we could just all give each other gifts. That way I get double presents instead of just one." I grinned at Shay and she nudged me with her shoulder. "You going to see your grandparents again this year?"

"Sadly, yes. And it's likely they've gotten even more senile, so." I whined a little.

"Shay, what am I supposed to do all break. We can't have a movie marathon and eat way too many candy canes now."

"I know girl I'm sorry. You and Matt could watch them though."

"Yeah but it's not the same. We haven't had enough girl time lately."

"Yeah well, we're here now aren't we? Ugh I wish you weren't straight we'd totally be dating." I laughed and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Sorry sweetheart. If I were a lesbian though you'd totally be my type."

"Of course I would. Hey, the games about to end." I looked up and realized there were only two minutes left on the clock. Everyone was standing up in anticipation. I kept my eye on Matt the entire time, and we managed to score. Everyone cheered and Shay and I joined in. Finally things started to settle down, and people started to leave. Shay and I stayed waiting in our seats to meet up with Matt, and when it finally looked like mostly everyone had left we spotted Matt, walking out with his giant hockey bag. Then Shay decided to be embarrassing.

"OH MY GOD! IS THAT MATTHEW CASEY?" I threw my head back and scrunched up my nose in embarrassment, and next thing I knew Shay had grabbed my arm and we were running down the bleachers. "Hey, that was great!" Matt hugged Shay and then hugged me, squeezing me slightly. I grinned up at him when he pulled away.

"Seriously Matt you were amazing. How many shots did you make, like 5?"

"Eh I could've played better."

"Stop it, that was great."

"Hey guys, sorry to interrupt but my ride's here. Gabs do you want me to drop you off or?"  
>"I can drive you home if you want." I looked over at Matt then back to Shay, nodding.<p>

"Alrighty then, see you two later." We both waved bye as she walked away and then Matt turned back to me.

"So you guys had fun?"

"Yeah, it was so much fun. I'll have to come to another game." I realized there was a couple walking up to us and was about to say something when the woman said Matt's name. They joined us and I looked at Matt, assuming they were his parents.

"Gabby this is my mom and dad. Mom, dad, this is Gabby."

"Hi sweetheart," Matt's mom wrapped her arms around me and I let out a small 'oof' in surprise, but quickly brought my arms up and awkwardly hugged her back. "Matt's told me so much about you." I looked over at Matt and he looked slightly embarrassed.

"Hopefully all good things. You two must be very proud of your son, he played very well."

"Eh." I heard his dad say. "Matthew those three times in the first quarter you could've scored, and number five was overpowering you a few times. What the hell was that." I could feel my jaw clench and suddenly, I was very angry. The way he spoke to him wasn't even in a way that someone would give constructive criticism. He was just straight up undermining his son.

"Richard, that's not-"

"Oh shut up Nancy, you don't know what you're talking about." I looked over at Matt, and I could tell he saw the anger in my face. He shook his head slightly and as much as I wanted to, I understood he didn't want me to say anything. I heard his mom sigh and say my name so I turned back to face her.

"Thank you so much for helping Matt with school. I know you've definitely helped him get better in Algebra, and I'm really glad he's found a friend in you." I gave her a slight smile.

"It's no problem. And If anything I'm lucky, your son is a wonderful person." I made sure to look up at his father, when I said it, and looked back at his mother. I stuck my hand out and shook hers. "It was nice to meet you both." Matt understood that I wanted to leave and picked his bag off the ground.

"I'm giving Gabby a ride, I'll see you guys at home." We turned around and walked away. I followed Matt out to his car and we didn't say anything. But once I'd gotten in and we'd sat down I let out an exasperated laugh.

"Matt. Your dad, is an asshole." He looked over at me and started to talk but I was fuming. "What the hell is wrong with him. You did amazing, and he had to be all obnoxious and rude to you? God, I am so _angry_." I looked over at Matt who had a blank expression on his face. I kept my eyes on him but he just stared forward, and I got worried that I'd overstepped my boundaries and said too much. But I wasn't about to apologize, or take it back. He put his keys in the car and we pulled out of the parking lot. We'd been driving in silence for about a minute when he spoke up.

"He's kind of just always been like that. As long as I can remember, no matter what I do or say it's never good enough. And it never will be, and I've come to accept that." I honestly thought I felt my heart drop into my stomach. My father definitely hadn't ever been cruel to me, and even when my mother was drunk out of her mind she never degraded anything I did or made me feel worthless.

"Uh, I may be overstepping my boundaries but. Has he ever…" I didn't want to finish my sentence, hoping he understood what I meant so I didn't have to say the words out loud.

"Only once." He paused and then took a shaky breath. "He used to grab me by the arm so hard sometimes I'd get hand shaped bruises. I um." He paused for another moment before continuing. "I don't know if he's ever hit my mom. But she gets so much shit from him." He let out a shaky laugh. "Hell I have it easy compared to her." Tears had already welled up in my eyes and I wiped them away. I took a moment to try and figure out what to say.

"Pull over." He glanced at me slightly but I didn't look back at him. He found a parking spot on the road we were driving on and pulled into it. Once the car stopped I unbuckled my seatbelt and brought my feet up onto the seat, getting as close to him as I could before the center console blocked me from getting closer. I put my hands on his face. "Matt, I'm not sure if I've ever met anyone as incredible as you. And it hurts my heart to know that you have to deal with that. But you are an infinitely better man than he could ever be. You will go so much further than he has. I know you will. Cause Matt, you are one of the best people that I know. You do not deserve any of it. Just because he's your father doesn't make it okay. You're worth so much. From now on, I want you to try your hardest to ignore the shit he says to you. Because none of it is true." Tears had welled up in his eyes, and I was opening my mouth to say more but he wrapped his arms around me before I got a chance. I held him as tight as I could in the awkward position we were in, and rubbed his back, hopefully comforting him. When he finally looked up at me his eyes were extremely red.

"You know you're the best friend I've ever had."

"And you're mine. You know, along with Shay of course." He chuckled before sitting back in his seat. I did the same and buckled my seatbelt, before looking back up at him. We held eye contact smiling for a moment, both with red eyes and sniffling, before Matt broke the silence.

"I think now is a good time to go get ice cream." I nodded and giggled quietly.

"Yeah, I think you might be right."

* * *

><p>"Come on it's not as fun if you don't dance too!"<p>

"Gabby you already make fun of me for the whole country music thing, I'm not about to give you another thing to make fun of me for." I'd employed Matt to help me make a cake for Christmas, and when a Selena song came on I'd automatically turned on the radio and started swaying and singing along. Matt just looked on in amusement as I started for on dancing, and eventually pulled him up from his seat.

"Come onnn, literally all you have to do is sway it's easy." I grabbed his hands in mine and brought them over our heads, swinging them back and for and swaying my hips as he just stood there, looking amused and exasperated. Finally he started to step along with the music and I cheered, letting go of one of his arms and spinning around. We'd been dancing for a while when suddenly I heard the radio turn off in the living room. I dropped Matt's hands and then turned around. "Hello?" I called out.

"Hey guys!" Shay walked into the kitchen and I hugged her before taking a seat at the table across from Matt, her coming to sit down next to me. "So, when are we going to exchange presents?" Matt rolled his eyes at her.

"Well you obviously have just one thing on your mind." She shook her head.

"Not just one thing. When are we eating, I haven't since lunch at school and I'm hungry." She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and lay her head on my shoulder. I patted her head.

"Soon. Once the cake's done. I bought a frozen pizza. You excited to to visit your grandparents?" She groaned and closed her eyes.

"Don't remind me. We leave in two days."

"What's wrong with your grandparents?" Matt asked looking confused.

"Other than the fact that they're huge homophobes? Not much." I told him.

"That sucks."

"Yeah no kidding. But I don't want to talk about that." She opened her eyes and sat up, smiling at us. "I want to open presents." I chuckled, figuring there was no putting this off any longer.

"Alright, I'll go grab my things from my room, we'll open them in the kitchen." Double checking that the timer was on so the cake didn't burn, I ran upstairs, grabbing the two bags full of presents I'd picked out. Walking back downstairs, I found Matt and Shay sitting on the living room floor, wrapped gifts set out in front of them. I went and sat down, and we all handed the gifts to each other.

"Okay. I go first, Matt goes second, Gabby goes third."

"Can you really not wait that long Shay?"

"No, I cannot. Okay." Shay unwrapped Matt's gift. It was a new coffee mug and 3 different types of coffee. "Matthew," she brought her hand up to her heart acting touched, "I love the fact that instead of inhibiting you only fuel my coffee addiction. You're my new favorite." I shoved her shoulder slightly and she smiled at me before opening pulling my gifts out of the bag. "Gabs!" I'd gotten her 3 oversized grandpa sweaters and combat boots with some bracelets. "You have no idea how much I love you." She reached over giving me a huge kiss on the cheek and I laughed.

"I love you too Shay."

"Sorry Matt but she's got you beat."

"Don't worry, I've accepted defeat." Shay pushed his presents towards him.

"Your turn!" Matt unwrapped Shay's present first, thanking her for the UChicago hoodie she'd bought him. Then he opened my card. His eyes widened.

"Gabby, you shouldn't have."

"Don't. It's not a big deal, seriously." He opened his mouth to protest and I interrupted him before he could say anything. "Keep it. I'll be pissed if you don't." He shook his head in disbelief and looked down to read what I'd written. He smiled and looked up at me.

"Thanks, Gabs. You're the best."

"Oh I know." We held eye contact for a moment before I felt gifts being pushed into my lap by Shay.

"Your turn." I could tell she wanted me to go first based on the smile she was giving me so I picked up her small present. I unwrapped it, finding a small silver necklace with a disk on the end. I turned it around, reading the words on it and felt myself tear up.

"Thanks, Shay." She reached over and touched my arm before telling me to quit crying and open Matt's gift. I opened it, finding multiple books by different authors. I looked over at him smiling.

"Figured you could use some new reading material." I pulled one more thing out of the bag laughing once I realized what they were.

"Socks? With reindeer on them?"  
>"It's an inside joke."<br>"Oh wow, thanks for making that clear Matt!" Shay said sarcastically, Matt rolling his eyes at her before turning back to me.

"It definitely doesn't even begin to match up to your gift."

"No. It's perfect. Ugh I love you both so much, come here." I sat up and kneel while opening my arms.

"Group hug!" Shay cheered, and they both came over and wrapped their arms around me. I wasn't really sure if things had been as great as they were right now since before my dad had died.

"So what exactly did you get Matt? Obviously it was something crazy?" Shay and I were cleaning up the kitchen from the mess we'd made baking the cake. Matt had left and Shay was sleeping over so we were both in our pajamas.

"Oh. I gave him a hundred fifty dollars. To buy this new hockey stick he wants."

"Damn."

"It's not a big deal, I spent around the same for your present."

"Yeah but we've been friends for years."

"He's a good friend."

"Mhmm." I looked over at Shay who'd hopped up on the counter and was eating frosting from a bowl with her fingers. "Is there something you haven't told me?"

"Like what, exactly?"

"Like, I dunno. You and Matt are hooking up." My brows furrowed.

"Wait what?" I looked over at her. "Are you serious right now?"

"Well you've been hanging out a lot lately. I just figured.

"No. No we are not. What makes you think that?"

"Not sure, everything? I'm glad you're not though, I'd be pissed if you hadn't told me. So when it does happen, I better be the first to know, other than him of course." I laughed in disbelief.

"Shay, it's not going to happen."

"Yeah keep telling yourself that. But I'm holding you to it now, if it does and you don't tell me first," she pointed at me and then mimed cutting my throat. I laughed at her antics.

"Alright. Promise."

* * *

><p>"Ugh, I do not want to go back to school tomorrow."<p>

It was midday on New Years Eve, Matt and eye had been sitting in my room, reading in silence.

"You have no idea. You mind if I look through your bookcase for something to read?" I waved in approval not looking up from my book.

"I kind of hope it snows day before we have to go back. Even one extra day to sleep in would be great."

"Stop talking about school, it's bumming me out."

"Why? I would've thought you'd been happy to be back to hockey season."

"Eh." I continued to read, but when I asked him for a meaning of a word five minutes later and got no response, I looked up from my book to see him looking at my middle school yearbook.

"What the hell are you doing?" I dropped my book and rushed to grab the yearbook from him, while he got up and started backing away holding it tightly.

"Please Gabs, I just want to look through it."

"Matt," I growled, "hand it over."

"Please. Come on it'll be fun, we didn't go to the same middle school."

"I appreciate your interest but no. Not going to happen." I stepped forward in a weak attempt to grab it and resorted to whining. "Matt, please." I tried to pout in hopes that he'd drop the book but when he just made the same face back at me I lunged forward. One thing led to another but next thing I know Matt had his his head against the door frame and I was apologizing profusely. He groaned a lot and I apologized a lot and finally he got up and lied down in my bed.

"Is there anything you want me to get?"

"I like this, you can be my attractive nurse."

"Shut up," I shoved his shoulder. "I'm really sorry though," I said after, much quieter. He grabbed my hand.

"Seriously, Gabby it's fine. Although, you know what would make me feel better?"

"What?"

"Going through your yearbook." I sighed, knowing that I couldn't say no. I turned to grab it from my desk where I'd shoved it and told him to scoot over, sitting next to him with our shoulders touching. I brought my knees up and he did the same and I held the book up in between us, opening it. He flipped through pages reading through the things that people had written for me, and I said something every once in a while about a teacher or a student that I'd known. I knew when we were approaching my picture I watched for his reaction. When I saw his eyes widen and heard his laugh, I knew he'd seen me.

"In my defense, I didn't know how to use a straightener then."

"Oh I can tell."

"Shut up, Matt!"

"I'm kidding, okay."

"I know." Thankfully he moved on quickly. "I wish I could go back to middle school. Everything was so much easier then."

"Yeah no kidding. My parents keep talking about how I need to figure out what I want to do."

"What do you want to do?" I asked him, crawling down the bed and sitting facing him.

"Be a firefighter." I smiled slightly, I could definitely picture Matt doing that.

"You'd be an amazing firefighter, I'm sure of it." He huffed.

"Yeah well. There's no way my dad would approve of that."

"Ugh, screw your dad. If that's what you want to do, do it! Even though it feels like you do, you don't need his approval." He nodded.

"Yeah. What exactly do you want to do?"

"I'd love to be a doctor. I don't know, I don't have much money for med school and all that though. So maybe start off as a paramedic, work my way up."

"Sounds cool. Although I'm sure you'll get a full ride to some school." I let out a deep breath and laughed slightly.

"I wish. Let's stop talking about this, I'm getting freaked out."

"Yeah, sure. How's Shay?"

"Whiny about being at her grandparents. You know the reason she doesn't like being called Leslie is because she was named after her grandmother?"

"Huh. No I didn't know that." I nodded.

"Yup. I'm sure it'll be cool to start calling her Leslie again for one day, but for the time being." He nodded and zoned off. "Anyway, before you rudely interrupted me by trying to snatch my yearbook I was reading." I grabbed my book off the floor before sitting back on the bed and looking pointedly at him.

"How're you enjoying it? It's one of my favorites."

"Eh. I'll hold off on opinions until I'm done." He rolled his eyes at me, pulling his sock off and throwing it at me. "Ew, Matt." I threw it back at him. "You're disgusting."

"It obviously doesn't bother you enough you won't hang out with me."

"No but how annoying you are does."

"Whatever you say. Go back to reading your book." I gave him an annoyed glance before I let myself get absorbed in my book again, and we settled into comfortable silence for the next few hours.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry this chapter is shorter, but hopefully the content will make up for that. Just so you have an idea of the time, I'd say this takes place in February. Hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think! :)**

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><p>"What're you doing over here?" I jumped when I heard the voice before realizing it was Matt's. There was an assembly going on, and since that wasn't exactly my favorite thing in the world I'd elected to skip it. I went and sat in a corridor that they used to store extra chairs for the lunch room, since hardly anyone ever went over there. "Skipping an assembly to do homework?"<p>

"Even homework is better than that. I hate being shoved in a room with so many people, it makes me nauseous. Why aren't you there?"

"Because you're not there." I smiled appreciatively at him.

"That's incredibly nice of you, but this whole assembly is because the hockey team might get a chance to go to state."

"Eh, I'm not feeling very celebratory at the moment." He sat down next to me, taking a drink from my water bottle.

"Oh yeah, how'd the whole custody thing go?" He sighed and I looked over at him, seeing the frustration on his face.

"Split custody."

"What? Didn't you get to talk there or anything. Say that you didn't want to?"

"Nope. It's not too horrible though, I'm at my moms Monday through Thursday, go to my dads after school Friday until Sunday night." I sighed at put my hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I know you'd rather live with your mom." He shrugged.

"How are things with your mom?"

"Surprisingly decent, actually. I saw her twice this week, both times she was sober, and one of those times she made me dinner." I looked over Matt and he looked excited.

"Gabs that's great, isn't it?" I brought my knees up to my chest and rested my arms on them.

"I mean I guess, but I'm not getting my hopes up. Soon this will be over and she'll go back to stumbling in drunk once a week."

"Hey," he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "You never know, she could be finally getting it together."

"Yeah, maybe." I knew that it wasn't true, but I didn't feel like trying to make a case so I kept quiet. "Did you buy that new stick over the weekend?" His grin got incredibly wide.

"I sure as hell did, it's great. I couldn't have gotten it without you, so I have you to thank for it!"

"You don't have to thank me. It was a gift."

"The best gift anyone's ever given me."

"Exactly. So be thankful I'm such a good friend." I looked over at him. "Want to sneak out? We can go ice skating or something." He shook his head at me.

"Wow, Gabriela Dawson, straight A student. Trying to sneak out of school." I shoved his arm slightly.

"Well do you want to or not?" He contemplated it for a moment.

"You're lucky I don't have practice today." I grinned and grabbed my bag.

* * *

><p>"Yes!" Kelly cheered and pumped his fists, walking back towards Shay Matt and I. We were bowling, and he'd just gotten his third strike in a row.<p>

"Yeah, we get it Kelly, you're winning." Shay said, arms crossed looking aggravated. Matt looked amused at it all.

"Chill Shay, it's just a game."

"Easy for you to say Gabs, you're in second!" I shrugged and got up to bowl. I managed to knock down 9 pins and went to sit back down.

"It's your go Matt." It was the last round and Matt and Shay both went. I ended up getting second, then Matt, then Shay. Kelly won of course to Shay's disappointment, and we payed and walked over to the small arcade, sitting at a table in the back and ordering pizza.

"So, Matt, you coming to that party next weekend?" Matt shrugged in response.

"How come we never get invited to parties?" Shay asked.

"I don't know but I'm glad we don't." I said, before taking a sip of my drink.

"Why don't you like parties?" Kelly asked.

"She doesn't like anywhere that she has to be shoved into a room full of a ton of people. I get it." I smiled at Matt appreciatively.

"You two should come though." Kelly said.

"We weren't even invited, and who said we wanted to go anyway?" Shay said haughtily. Kelly rolled his eyes at her.

"Well, I'm inviting you now. C'mon it'll be fun!" I looked over at Matt.

"Will you come?"

"Yeah sure." I looked over at Shay who seemed to be checking for my approval and nodded.

"Alright, we'll come, but there better be food."

* * *

><p>"Do we have to go." I was sitting on my bed with Matt sitting at my desk. "I really don't want to anymore." He turned around to face me.<p>

"What, too tired?" He joked. I felt nauseous just thinking about being at the party, and at this point, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea. I think Matt could tell that I was seriously worried, so he put his hand on my knees and looked me in the eye. "Gabs, what's wrong? If you don't want to go we don't have to." I sighed.

"I don't know, the thought of being there is just freaking me out."

"It may just be that you've never been to a party before." I didn't necessarily feel reassured and he grabbed out of my hands, rubbing his thumb along the back of it to soothe me. "Don't worry, if we get there and you hate it I'll drive you home right away." Despite the fact that I didn't feel any less nervous, I was more willing to get up and leave when Shay texted us she was leaving. Matt didn't let go of my hand until I had to get into his car and we were off. Matt rambled while I thought. I thought about how much he mattered to me, and how he made me feel really warm and happy inside. I'd never really felt that way about anyone before, and I was worried that I was starting to have feelings for him. Feelings he likely wouldn't reciprocate, feelings that would ruin our friendship. So I'd ignored them, until recently. I was hyper-aware every time he touched me, or when he looked at me pointedly whether it was to reassure or comfort me or to make me smile. Being alone with him made me nervous, because I was so comfortable talking with him that I was afraid something would slip. Nothing had yet, but I couldn't risk it. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard Shay get in the car. We drove another 20 minutes or so, making small talk when we pulled up to a street with cars running all the way down it.

"This is it." Shay said excitedly. Matt looked over at me.

"You ready?" I sighed.

"Not really. Maybe it'll be fun though." I paused. "Let's get this over with."

* * *

><p>I woke up and instantly felt my head aching. I groaned lightly, not wanting to open my eyes. Feeling an arm thrown over me I did though, and saw Shay sprawled out next to me on my bed. I closed my eyes again, attempting to go back to sleep when I figured there was no way I'd be getting more anytime soon. I gingerly pushed myself out of bed and grabbed a change of clothes, going to take a shower. After downing some aspirin I got in the shower. Attempting to go over what had happened last night had me come to the conclusion that I'd gotten so drunk, I could only remember bits and pieces. I remembered dancing with Shay, and talking to some kid named Peter. I remembered having a conversation with Matt as he drove Shay and I home, but what exactly we talked about was beyond me. Groaning I elected that I'd never get drunk again before rinsing the shampoo out of my hair and finishing my shower. After changing and brushing my teeth, I walked back to my room to wake Shay up. She'd flipped over since I'd left and was sprawled in the middle of the bed. I sat down next to her and shook her slightly.<p>

"Wake up sleeping beauty." When I got no reaction I shook her shoulder again. Her eyes slowly opened, but once she saw me she closed them again and wrapped herself up in the blanket. "How're you feeling?" I asked her.

"Like I got hit by a truck. You." I let out a huff.

"The same. My head is killing me." She let out a hum before we settled into comfortable silence. "Do you remember anything?"

"Sadly, yes." She finally opened her eyes and sat up. "Kelly's going to be making fun of my dancing for the next week. The worst part is I think we were the only two dancing." I groaned. "Don't worry, it was mostly me. What do you remember."

"Not much." I yawned. "There's aspirin in the medicine cabinet, you can take a shower and borrow some sweats. I'm going to run to the corner store and get us some breakfast."

"Sounds good to me." I went downstairs and grabbed my wallet before throwing on boots and a coat to make the five minute walk to the corner store. I bought cinnamon rolls and some more aspirin, and headed back home to find Shay making coffee in my kitchen.

"That was a quick shower. Hey preheat the oven for me will you?" I put the rolls in the oven and sat down at the table taking a long sip of coffee before deciding on water instead. "I've decided I'm never getting drunk again."

"Me too. From what I remember you went nuts though, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I was just really stressed out and-" oh shit. I remember what my conversation with Matt had been about. "Shit. Oh god." I slouched down in my chair closing my eyes.

"Gabs what's wrong." I felt nauseous, and my head was spinning, but not from the headache.

"I screwed up Shay."

"How, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I uh," I paused and regained my composure, sitting back up. "I think I confessed my feelings to Matt." Her face went from confusion, to disbelief to smiling. "Why are you smiling?" I asked exasperated.

"Gabs this is a good thing! What'd you say?"

"What do you mean this is a good thing?!" I stood up and started pacing the kitchen. "This is a horrible thing! I basically just ruined our friendship."

"What did you say?"

"Uh, as far as I remember I sounded like a drunk middle schooler telling someone that the 'like like' them so. No it's not a good thing. Because there's no way he likes me and now it's going to be weird." I groaned. "Shay I fucked up."

"Gabs you need to chill okay. You did not ruin your friendship. You've just got to have a conversation with him! Tell him everything you told him, which I'm assuming wasn't bad, while you're sober and it'll be fine."

"Okay, for someone who overreacts a majority of the time, you're definitely underreacting right now." Shay sighed.

"Gabs stop pacing." I stopped and turned to look at her, crossing my arms over my chest. "I'm assuming the reason you're freaking out is because you think he doesn't feel the same way. Which is completely untrue." I opened my mouth to protest but she held her hand up stopping me. "As an outside viewer, trust me, I'm right. Look, just talk to him. He's not an asshole, he's your best friend. It'll be fine. Also check the cinnamon rolls, they're going to burn soon."

* * *

><p>The good thing about having a parent who's always absent, is that skipping two days of school isn't a big deal. I could just call in and say I was sick. And since it's unlikely they'd think a straight A student was cutting school, it wouldn't be suspicious. Which was why I'd called in the school and said I was sick for the second day in a row, and was considering doing it a third. Avoiding Matt seemed like the best way to deal with this issue for the time being which was exactly what I was doing. I'd come to the conclusion that I did have feelings for him. Feelings which seemed to now be unavoidable which was strange considering I'd ignored them for a while. But I wasn't necessarily ready to confront him. So I instead stayed home, emailing my teachers to find out what work I was missing and taking a nap. I had dozed off on the couch when I heard the doorbell ring. Sitting up quickly I checked the clock, seeing it read 5:53. I cursed under my breath, knowing if it was my mother or Antonio they'd have a key. Getting up I walked to the door checking the peephole, seeing Matt standing there. Taking a deep breath I reasoned to myself that this conversation would have to happen eventually, and opened the door.<p>

"Hey. Are you okay?" He walked in past me kicking off his shoes. All I could think about was my heart pounding in my chest.

"Yeah. Just didn't feel good." I closed the door and turned around to find him staring at me looking unimpressed.

"I know you're avoiding me."

"Why exactly would you think that."

"Well you're obviously not sick, and considering how weird you're acting right now my point is just being proven right now." I crossed my arms and started walking towards the couch, sitting down. He sat down next to me turning so he was facing me. "Can we talk about what happened Friday night." I let out a light laugh.

"That's exactly what I don't want to talk about."

"So you were avoiding me." I didn't respond and kept looking down at my lap. A few moments passed before he spoke up again. "Do you remember what you said to me?" I pulled my legs up and sat cross legged, turning to face him but not yet looking up.

"Yeah. Some of it. I'm sure you remember considering you were sober." Matt laughed.

"Yeah, you got really drunk." I finally looked up.

"Trust me, I know. Did you bring me and Shay here and get us into my bed?"

"Yup. Saving the day."

"Oh my hero." I sarcastically swooned. "I've decided I'm never drinking again, so don't worry, it won't happen again."

"I don't know, some parts were cool. You were extremely honest." I looked back down at my lap.

"Yeah, I don't know how cool that was as it was embarrassing."

"Do you remember what you told me?"

"Bits and pieces. You don't need to fill in what I don't remember by the way." I started playing with my necklaces.

"Quit being nervous I'm not going to bite you Gabby." I looked up confused. "Playing with your necklaces, it means you're nervous." I nodded and looked back down and we sat in silence for a moment. "Did you mean it?" From all the responses I'd been thinking of in the past day for all of the questions he could possibly ask me, I could only think of one.

"Yeah." It felt like forever had passed before I got a response.

"Is that not a good thing."

"Why would it be a good thing? I was drunk, and slobbering, and I ended up telling you I had a huge crush on you. It's embarrassing."

"No it's not."

"Maybe not for you but for me." It got quiet for a moment again. "Did I just ruin this? Our friendship, by admitting it wasn't me just drunk blabbering." He let out an annoyed huff and I looked up to see his expression and then he kissed me. I was sort of dazed at first, confused as to what exactly was going on. But I finally responded, letting my eyes close slightly and kissing him back. When he pulled away I opened them and we locked eyes for a moment and he leaned in again. He kissed me slowly, just soft sleepy kisses over and over. With my eyes closed I let myself take in everything, his hand holding my cheek, and how his lips were somewhat chapped. I felt warm inside, and my heart had stopped pounding. I let myself stop worrying about everything, and just focus on kissing him. After what felt like a minute he stopped and pulled away, bringing his hand down from my cheek. I opened my eyes to him staring at me intently. After a moment of wondering what was appropriate to say, I said what may have been the dumbest thing.

"So our friendship isn't ruined?" He snorted and leaned forward, wrapping his arms around me and hauling me over so I was closer to him. I brought my hand up to his face.

"No, our friendship is not ruined." I nodded, smiling at him.

"Okay, good."

He leaned in to kiss me again, and this time, I was ready.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello! Hope everyone who's reading this is enjoying it so far. I sort of had a hard time thinking of what to write in this chapter. I already have plans for future chapters but I feel like there needs to be other content in between so if there's anything someone would like to see let me know! Sorry if there are any weird spelling/grammar errors. I'm writing this extremely late at night after finishing a ton of biology work (1am is a great time to be productive for me). Anyways hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think!**

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><p>"I'm tired." I mumbled to Matt. We were lying on my sofa, his arm thrown around me and my face buried in his neck. It was Friday afternoon and Matt had a hockey game later, but he'd stopped by at my house.<p>

"So take a nap."

"But then it'll be harder to go to sleep." I felt him shrug.

"I don't know what to tell you then." I pulled my face out of his neck to look at him. He kissed me before sighing. "I wish you could come to my game tonight."

"Me too. But I have to have dinner with Antonio and my mom tonight. I'd much rather be at your game though." I smiled and he smiled back before leaning in to kiss me again. "You have to leave soon," I muttered against his mouth. He just ignored me and deepened the kiss, and we laid there making out until he finally had to leave. After saying goodbye, I grabbed my coat and all of my things, before locking up and heading outside to walk to the bus stop.

My first relationship wasn't exactly what I'd expected it to be. I sort of thought it would be much less serious, and maybe it was because of Matt but it felt serious. We'd confided so much to each other that I felt weirdly attached to him, in the way I felt attached to Shay but stronger. It hasn't changed much about our friendship other than the fact that we were more intimate with each other, which didn't feel weird in the way I thought it would. It did make me want to be around him more. Anytime we were in class or in school, I just wished we could be somewhere quieter and more private, where he could hold me. Even now walking I wished he was here with me. I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing. Then again maybe I was just bored and wanted someone to talk to. I made it onto the bus and sort of just looked out the window on the ride there. I hadn't seen Antonio since Christmas, which was a little over two months ago. Usually he made an effort to meet up with me, but I guess he'd been busy lately. Antonio and I had been pretty close. Once he left for college whenever he visited he spend a majority of his time at home hanging out with me despite the age difference. I figured once we got older, we'd find that closeness again. Reaching his apartment I found my moms car out front, which likely meant I was late since she was almost never on time. I checked my watch and saw I was, so I hurried up the steps. My brother was the one who opened the door.

"Hey Gabriela, why are you late?" He pulled me into his arms and held me tightly.

"Hey Antonio." I pulled back. "You grew a beard?"

"C'mon in." I stepped in kicking off my shoes and hanging my coat. "Yes I did grow a beard."

"Hmm. I can't tell if it suits you or not."

"Hey, I don't want sass tonight." We walked to the kitchen where I greeted Laura and my mom who were cooking. "So how's school going?"

"Good. How's cop training going?"

"Fine. I've started working with the intelligence unit every once in a while."

"Which is great for a beat cop." Laura interjected. "Next thing you know he'll be taking the detectives exam and be working up there full time."

"That's awesome Antonio!"

"Eh let's not get ahead of ourselves." He waved his hand. "So you didn't elaborate, what's been going on lately, how's my little sister doing?"

"Good. Schools going well, I have nice friends. I don't know what more there is to it."

"Mom said you made a new friend." I looked over at my mom before turning back to Antonio.

"Did she? That's interesting because it's none of moms business."

"Hey, don't have an attitude. Matt is his name?"

"Yeah and before you start getting nosy he's not my boyfriend." I lied, knowing this wasn't a conversation I wanted to be having. Deep down I felt bad for lying, but I knew it was easier than going through the ordeal of questions that would've followed.

"Alright, I trust you."

"So Laura, how's your job going?" After that we had polite conversation throughout dinner. Me avoiding talking to my mom. After my dad died it was weird to have family dinners. My mother and I rarely are together, and Antonio was no longer living with us, so it was just me. It still felt almost stiff sitting here. We didn't necessarily feel like a family anymore. Later we said our goodbyes, me promising Antonio I'd stop by sometime in the next few weeks. I got into the car with my mom. I'd been seeing more of her lately. Granted it was only for a few hours on Sundays, but it was more than I'd seen her last year. I knew she was trying to make an effort, so I tried, but deep down I knew it wouldn't last long.

"So how are Matt and Shay doing?"

"Good. Shay got a piece into another art show, and Matt's hockey season is going well."

"That's good." Not knowing what else to say I got quiet again. It was silent for the rest of the ride home, and once we got in I told my mom I was tired and crawled into bed. I had a feeling that something bad was coming, but elected to ignore it, and just fell asleep instead.

* * *

><p>"You know what I like about you two."<p>

"Hm?"

"You're not one of those couples who stands around making out in the hallway." Shay Matt and I were sitting at lunch. "Then again I know Gabs would never let that happen, she hates those people."

"I don't hate those people they just annoy me."

"Same difference." Shay said with food stuffed in her mouth.

"It's really not." Matt said and I looked over at him, smiling at how grossed out he looked at Shay talking with her mouth open. He looked over at me and smiled, slipping his hand into mine. "You two coming to the game?"

"Of course. What time does it start again?" I asked.

"Around six, but there'll be a lot of traffic so depending on how you're getting there I'd leave early." I nodded. "Do you still not know how to drive Gabby?" I groaned when I saw Shay sit up suddenly and wipe her mouth with her napkin.

"She does not, actually. Refuses to let me teach her."

"It's not you I just really don't want to learn, alright?"

"You know you really should learn." I shot a look over at Matt.

"Not you too."

"She refuses to let me teach her just because she had one bad experience when she was driving with me."

"What bad experience?"

"DON'T."

"I can't tell you because she's all sensitive about it." Matt looked over at me, and I could tell by his face he was trying to win me over.

"Please."

"Nope."

"Really though Gabs, you should learn. It's important. What if you're ever in an emergency?"

"I don't know, I'll take the bus or something." The both snorted at me and I rolled my eyes at them. Matt let go of my hand, getting up to throw his tray before coming back and grabbing his bag.

"I've got to go talk to one of my teachers."

"Alright. You've got practice right?" He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss before pulling back and nodding.

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye." Shay watching him walk off before turning to me with a suggestive grin on her face. "Don't even start" I warned her.

"Why not. You two are so cute!"

"Don't be all condescending."

"Gabs I'm not. I'm serious, you two are adorable."

"Yeah, thanks."

"Is everything going good?"

"We've been together for less than a month Shay, what could go wrong in that time."

"Humor me." I sighed.

"Yeah, it's good. It's great." I smiled slightly."I'm happy. I like to think he's happy."

"He's happy. Trust me. See, who told you when you were freaking out that you should just tell him how you feel?" I rolled my eyes. "I did. I'm always right."

"Whatever you want to think Shay."

"Hey, we should have a sleepover Saturday night."

"Yeah, totally. My place or yours."

"Yours. My dads girlfriend is some kind of health nut, so there's no good food to eat at my house."

"Then we're definitely doing it at my house."

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you don't want to be out with the rest of your team?" Matt and I were sitting on my living room floor my head resting on his shoulder and his hand stroking my knee absent mindedly. They'd lost state, and it was late when he'd finally gotten over to my house. I could tell from his face he was disappointed, and ushered him in, trying to figure out what to do to make him feel better.<p>

"Yeah, they're probably at some party someone threw anyway. I'm just not feeling it."

"You're upset because you guys lost." I waited for his answer for a while.

"I could've played better."

"Matt, you were amazing alright." I turned my head and kissed him on his neck before sitting up straight and moving to sit across from him. "Don't beat yourself up. It wasn't you who lost the game." Be took my hands in his and looked at me, almost as if he was searching my eyes to see if I was lying. He eventually nodded. "Besides, there's always next year."

"Yeah. I just really don't want to have to talk to my dad." My expression softened and I moved in even closer, sitting on his lap with my legs wrapped around his waist.

"What do you think he'll say?"

"I don't know probably something about how I didn't try hard enough. How I never try hard enough."

"That's not true. He's the only one who thinks that way."

"Yeah, doesn't mean it sucks any less." I frowned and nodded. He brought his hand up to my back starting to trail them up and down. It made me sleepy, and I leaned further in to him, resting my head on his shoulder. "Maybe I should go."

"Are you going to get in trouble?"

"No, but you might if your mom comes home." I let my eyes close before shaking my head.

"Nah. I haven't seen her since we had dinner with Antonio. I doubt she'll be home any time soon." I felt him nod and I could feel myself drifting off when he spoke again.

"Do you just not care? That she's never here?" I let myself think about it for a moment.

"I think not caring is better than caring. At least in this situation." I paused a moment before I continued talking. "She got really depressed after my dad died. I wasn't mad at her, because I understood. But I had to start doing more. I figured out how to do things myself. Once she got out of that, she took on a lot of jobs to pay for the house. Even though the house is way too big for us she doesn't want to let it go. I think it reminds her of my dad. As to what she does in her free time, I'm not even sure. But as shitty as it is, I'm used to it. Besides, I like being alone." I felt him tug on a strand of my hair and smiled into his neck. "At least for the most part." It went quiet again and I felt myself drift off. Next thing I knew, I was being woken up to Matt jostling me awake.

"Gabs, it's late. You should get to bed." I hummed in response and pulled myself upright. I held my hand out to him.

"Can you stay over?" He looked hesitant. "Just tell your dad you're staying at a friends house." When he still didn't look convinced I pouted and he let out a quiet huff before taking my hand. We walked upstairs and I just crawled into bed, too lazy to switch into actual pajamas. I waited for Matt to climb in next to me before getting comfortable and closing my eyes. I let myself fall asleep concentrating on him stroking my hair mindlessly.

* * *

><p>"It's about to be four years." I looked up at Antonio and saw how grave his face was, then looked back down and swirled my spoon around in my coffee.<p>

"Yeah. Are we going to go together, or?" He shrugged.

"Do you want to?" Having a conversation about whether or not I wanted to go with or without my brother to my dad's grave was not exactly a conversation I wanted to be having at the moment.

"Could I go by myself this year?" He examined my face, I think hoping to find some hidden emotion so he could question me about it.

"Sure." I nodded and got back to my coffee. "So how's school going kid?"

"Decent. I've had a lot of work lately, so I've mostly just been studying." I sighed. "I'm really tired. I stay up late studying, I have to wake up early to go to school."

"It's a rough system."

"How's working in intelligence?"

"Decent. My Sargent is a little crazy, I think. But other than that it's decent." I smiled. "Feels good, to be getting bad guys off the street."

"I'm proud of you." He reached over and squeezed my shoulder quickly. "So, normally I wouldn't bring this up. But mom's been gone for a while." His eyebrows raised. "And I'm just worried about the bills. We have payments coming up soon, and I don't know what I'll do if she's not back to cover them. So I was wondering if maybe you could lent me some money, so I won't have to keep the whole house candle lit." I tried to smile jokingly, but it wasn't working. Antonio looked frustrated, and I could feel my stomach knot anticipating his answer. I never spoke to Antonio about our moms absence, mostly because I'd become accustomed to dealing with it. But our electricity and water bills were due, and the people I normally babysat for were out of town for a few weeks, leaving me without any extra money.

"Where the hell is mom?"

"Working. She works a lot, and we never cross paths at home because she's either sleeping or at work or when she's at home I'm at school." I could see how annoyed he was getting at our mom so I decided to end the conversation. "Look, it's fine. I'm sure she'll be around to handle it, I just get stressed out easily."

"You sure that's it?" I nodded quickly. "Alright. But Gabriela, you need to tell me if there's a problem, alright?"

"Okay, Antonio. I got it." Checking my phone I saw I had a message from Shay, meaning she was here to pick me up. Standing up I finished my coffee quickly and grabbed my things, giving Antonio a kiss on the cheek and rushing out. Despite it being March it was a surprisingly nice day, so Shay and I decided to go kick around a soccer ball where the snow was melted. We walked through the park, trying to find a large enough area of grass.

"So, it's almost time."

"Yeah." I scratched at the back of my neck. "Antonio and I were just talking about it."

"Want me to come with you? I know you usually go with Antonio, but."

"Nah. I think I'm going to go alone this year." She nodded.

"Look, I know you politely refuse every time I say this, and I get why, but you could talk to me." I smiled at her.

"I know. Thank you, but it's fine." I was starting to feel down from thinking about it so much, so I decided to change the subject. "I can't believe the school year is almost over."

"I know, crazy right? But it's good, because soon it will be summer."

"Yeah, and soon it will be our senior year. Which means we have to seriously start thinking about our future."

"Ugh forget about that boring stuff. We'll get to hang out every day and not worry about school. It'll be fun!"  
>"Yeah." As daunting as senior year was, it was exciting to get to not worry about everything for a while. Usually during the summer, Shay and I hung out at her uncle's mini golf place since we didn't have to pay. It was also exciting because as far as I knew, Matt wasn't going anywhere, so we could spend more time together. "You know what, you're right. It'll be great." She smiled over at me. "Hey there's a clear spot over there."<p>

"Alright Dawson, let's go. Time for me to kick your ass in one on one."

"Yeah, we'll see about that."

* * *

><p>"You sure you don't want me to come with you?" I sighed before finally looking up. Matt had been asking pointless questions the entire time we'd been doing homework. I was pretty sure the other people in the library were getting frustrated. I knew Shay had talked to him about the fact that I was going to the cemetery on Friday by myself and convinced him to ask me about it.<p>

"Yeah. I'm sure." He didn't look too convinced. "Look, I appreciate that you want to come with me, but I just feel like I need to do it alone this year. Antonio already offered to come with me also, and I know he'll be offended if I try and bring someone else along." When he didn't respond for a moment I spoke up again. "Thank you though."

"I'm just worried. You've been off lately, and I understand but I just hate seeing you not act like yourself."

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry." I smiled slightly at him before looking back down at my paper. We worked in silence for the next hour, and I could tell he was glancing up at me every once in a while. Shay worrying about me was bad enough, but now I had Matt worrying about me too. In all honestly it was just sad. I knew that soon I'd have to go to my dad's grave, and just thinking about it was sad. It was harder to go along like things were normal. Although I guess enough time had passed that this was normal. Not that that was better to think about. Eventually we got up and walked out to Matts car. Once we'd sat down I finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry. It's just weird, you know." I looked over at him. "Sorry if I've been standoffish. I don't mean to be."

"It's fine, Gabs." He drove me home and as I was about to get out I decided something.

"I uh, I don't want you to come with me. But could I maybe come over after? I don't really want to be alone, and I don't want to go home because my mom will have off of work." He looked a little hesitant at first. We still hadn't been to his house, but I understood that he didn't want me at his dads house. I was about to brush it off and say it was fine when he answered.

"Yeah. We'll go to my moms house, just let me know when to pick you up."

* * *

><p>I really didn't feel like getting out of bed. Today was going to go the same way it had gone the past few years. I'd get out of bed, and go downstairs. My mom would walk in later, coming in from the cemetery. Usually she'd go straight to her room. Then I would leave to meet Antonio. This year it went almost the same. I dragged myself out of bed, getting changed. I'd brush my teeth and get ready before going downstairs and eating breakfast. I ate and then sat, waiting for my mom to get home. This time I was waiting until about one in the afternoon. When I heard her come through the door I grabbed my phone. When I heard her room door shut I got up, and left the house. I could already feel myself getting a headache, but it was a nice day outside and I wasn't in the mood to take the bus. The 30 minute walk to the cemetery was lonely, and I almost wished that I hadn't told Antonio that I wanted to go alone, because now I was standing there, alone at my fathers grave with no idea what to say. I sat down in front of it, and ended up sitting there for a good five minutes before deciding I should probably say something.<p>

"Hey dad." I took a minute before deciding to speak again. "This is, weird to me. I usually come with Antonio, and he does all the talking. But I guess I just wanted to be alone with you this year." I let out a light laugh. "Although it's not like you're actually here. I'm just talking to a stone." I felt my eyes stinging with tears. I wasn't sure if talking to a loved ones grave was supposed to make you feel better, but it wasn't. Either way I continued. "I wish you were here. I wish you were there to help me study for all of my tests. And we could have family movie nights again. I wish that we could have family dinners with Shay. I thought it was so funny when I was younger and you would joke about adopting her. I um." I took in a deep breath, and I felt some tears roll down my face, but I didn't bother to wipe them off. "I wish you could meet Matt. I know you'd like him, because you're a hockey fan. God it sucks that you're not here." I waited another moment. "I don't know if you're in heaven, or what. Maybe if you're an angel, you have some sort of powers or something. But could you tell her to get her shit together." I laughed, knowing if my dad was alive and had heard me curse I would've gotten a glare. "I worry about her. But if I'm being honest, as much as I worry about her, I'm happy right now. And I feel guilty, because you're not here but I actually like how things are going right now. So, please don't be mad at me. But things are going good. Things are normal. At least as normal as they can be without you here. I feel kind of crazy, talking to a tombstone. I know it's not, but. Maybe I'll get better at it." I wiped the tears off of my face before standing up. Usually Antonio said a prayer, but I wasn't sure what to do. I felt a little better, but not much. "I love you dad. I miss you." I turned around and started to walk away. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, and called Matt letting him know I wanted to be picked up. Sitting down at a bench towards the front of the cemetery I waited, not really paying attention to or thinking of anything. I felt someone sit down next to me and looked up. Seeing it was Matt. I stood up to face him, smiling slightly. I could feel my smile become wobbly, and next thing I knew I was crying. Matt wrapped his arms around me and started rubbing my back. Eventually I wrapped my arms around him and held him back tightly, not wanting to let go. My sobs subsided but he didn't let go of me. He just kissed my head and told me it was okay. When I felt steady enough, I pulled away from him. I could tell he was concerned and tried to smile, but I wasn't sure how convincing it was.

"You want to go?" I thought it over and shook my head.

"No. I think I'm going to go back." He nodded. "Would you uh, would you like to come with me?" He smiled slightly and nodded, grabbing my hand and letting me lead the way.


	6. Chapter 6

**Ahh I feel horrible because I haven't updated this in a while. I've been swamped with schoolwork and my laptop has been acting up, so sorry that this chapter is a little shorter than the previous ones and the format and just anything that's weird about it. I just felt like I should post something. The next one will be longer and better. Let me know what you think **

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><p>"Oh my god, you had a mohawk?" I looked over at Matt who cheeks were flushed with embarrassment. We were at his moms house sitting on the couch when she'd brought out an old photo album. Figuring it was my chance to get revenge for him going through my old yearbook, I'd eagerly grabbed it and started looking through it.<p>

"Yeah, let's not talk about that."

"You're so cute though!" He shook his head at me, still embarrassed before getting up.

"I'm going to go help my mom with dinner."

I grabbed his hand, tugging him closer as he walked away. "Noooo, don't leave me!" I pouted and he rolled his eyes, kissing me quickly before walking to the kitchen. Leaning back I continued to look through the pictures. Matt really was an adorable kid, and I was glad his mom had brought out the album.

Before I honestly wasn't sure if Matt would ever invite me to his house or not. I didn't care because I understood, but I was glad he'd had me over. His mothers house felt warm and homey, very different from my empty one. She seemed like a very happy person, and I was almost glad his parents had divorced. He seemed a lot less stressed out since then, and it made me happy. I flipped through the album for a little bit longer before I heard his mom call my name, saying that dinner was ready. After sitting down and eating, Matt and I went up to his room to study,

Finals were coming and I was beyond stressed. Matt kept complaining that he never saw me outside of school, because most of my time was spent studying. I did miss him, but I was more worried about keeping my GPA up and passing all of my AP tests at the moment. I finished reading through formulas when I looked up to see Matt smiling at me. Attempting to keep a straight face but failing, I asked "what?"

"You know, it's been a while since we've seen each other. I looked down, trying to keep from smiling too wide, and a moment later I felt him sit next to me on his bed. Looking over at him I smiled.

"We see each other every day at school."

"Yes but I haven't seen you outside of school in like two weeks." He had his eyebrows raised and I could feel my heart starting to race because of the look on his face. It was still strange to me that we were together. It wasn't anything I'd ever imagined happening. I didn't really want a boyfriend, but when I became friends with Matt at some point I knew developing feelings for him was unavoidable. I think I'd fallen in love with him. This was only a guess of course, i didn't really know what it felt like to love someone. But I knew that I felt most comfortable in his arms, whether he just had one thrown around me while we were walking somewhere or he had them wrapped tightly around me while we were lying on my couch talking. I knew that whenever we weren't together I missed him, and wished that he could be with me. I knew that the sound of his voice put me at ease when I was sad in a way that only my father's voice had. I loved his smile, and his laugh made my heart swell with happiness. I could go on and on about everything that made me think I was in love with him, and this was what solidified the idea in my head.

Realizing I drifted off I turned to face him and leaned forward so our foreheads were touching. "I know. I'm just worried about finals everything."

"I know. You know seeing you stressed out stresses me out."

Grinning, I leaned forward to kiss him quickly. "I'm sorry, I can't help it!" He kissed me softly and I let my eyes drift shut, bringing my hand up to his neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist and deepened the kiss, laying me down on the back of my net. Letting myself forget about everything else I focused on the feeling of Matt's hands on my skin and the warmth that seemed to radiate from his body. I felt him pushing my shirt up when I heard a noise come from downstairs. Remembering a moment from about a month ago I pulled away from Matt, rolling over and sitting up. Seeing the look on his face I spoke up quickly. "Your mom is downstairs!"

"So?" He looked so exasperated it almost made me laugh.

"So, what if she walks in on us! I'm not risking that."

"Gabby-"

"I mean she seems like the type of mom who'd come in offering us cookies or brownies, or something. I don't need to- I don't know, scar her?"

Matt's expression had turn from frustrated to amused. "My mom doesn't bake." He laughed quietly before taking my hand. I scooted over, sitting with my legs crossed closer to him.

"Do you not remember when that cop caught us in your car last month? I still haven't recovered from that embarrassment." Matt grinned.

"That was a great night."

I shoved his shoulder lightly. "That was embarrassing and I never want anything like it to happen again."

"Alright babe, we'll just study."

* * *

><p>"Yes! We are out of that hellhole for good."<p>

Matt looked over at me, shaking his head before turning to Shay. "You do realize we'll be back in a few months."

"Don't ruin my moment Matthew. So, Gabs and I have a tradition for the last day of school. That tradition is pizza, ice cream, mini golf, sleepover. Care to join us? I mean, for everything other than the sleepover part." We headed through the doors out to the parking lot, Shay calling shotgun.

"Yeah sure. Sounds like fun."

A few hours later we ended up lying on the grass at Shay's uncle's mini golf court.

"We're starting our senior year soon." I said quietly. Shay groaned.

"Let's not talk about this right now Gabs."

"Sorry. It's just daunting."

"What do you want to do Shay?" Matt asked.

"God I don't know. Maybe I'll become an EMT like Gabs. Figure something else out once she ends up in big fancy med school. What do you want to do Matt?"

"Be a firefighter."

"Well who knows," I saw Shay roll over to face me in my peripheral vision "maybe we'll end up at the same house."

We sat in silence for a moment, watching the sky which by now was a bright orange. I could probably lie here for the rest of the night and be content. I had the two people who I cared about most, and the next two and a half months to do what I wanted. I felt myself drifting off, and when I suddenly realized where I was I sat up. "Want to go get ice cream?"

"You bet."

Later I found myself lying in Shay's bed with her. It was around one in the morning, and we were about to go to sleep. I could tell that Shay was drifting off next to me, but I was still wide awake. It annoyed me how often my thoughts kept me awake at night. Figuring if I wanted to have a conversation with her I should probably start talking before she fell asleep, I nudged her slightly. "Shay."

"Yeah?" Her voice sounded gravelly and I felt bad for waking her up.

"Nevermind."

"No, what's up?" She rolled to face me, propped her head up on her shoulder, and I did the same.

"I uh- I think I love Matt."

She sat up, her eyes widening. "Really?"

"Yeah." I sat up also. "Is it too soon? I mean I'm only 17 and we've only been together for like 5 months."

"Jesus Gabby, you need to chill. I love you but you over think things way too much. You two are great together, it's almost sickening watching you two sometimes. If you feel like you love him, you probably do. There's no need to look for some sort of explanation. You feel what you feel, and you should trust that."

I smiled at her. "I honestly don't know what I would do without you." She smiled at me. "Have you ever loved anyone?"

She shook her head. "No. I thought maybe I loved Erin, but I think I just wanted someone more than anything else. My day will come."

"College. When you get to college some hot lesbian is going to take interest in you. Then I'll have to watch you two act like love-sick idiots."

She grinned. "Yeah let's hope so. You know I think I'm pretty serious about being a paramedic. I know before I kind of just felt stuck, and it was one of your goals so I just took it on as one of mine. But I like the idea of it, I want to help people."

I took Shay's hand. "Good, I'm glad. Besides, then we can study together."

"You'll eventually you'll become some big doctor anyways. I just didn't want you to think I was stealing your plans.

"Even if you were, I wouldn't mind." I got quiet again. "I wish my dad were here. To help me plan my future and all of that."

Shays face fell into a sympathetic frown. "I'm sorry Gabs. But you've got me and Matt. We're here for you."

"I love you girl."

"I love you too. C'mere give me a hug." She wiggled her eyebrows at me and I rolled my eyes at her before leaning in and wrapping my arms around her. "I was worried you'd ditch me, after getting a boyfriend. I'm glad you didn't."

I pulled back. "Shay, I could never ditch you."

"I know." She scrunched up her nose and looked at me apologetically. "It's just that I kind of ditched you, when I had a girlfriend. I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "Don't apologize. I'll always be here for you." She nodded, lying back down.

"Ugh, I know I'm not your boyfriend but cuddle with me." Grinning I lied down, wrapping my arm around her as she rested her head on my shoulder. "I'm so glad you're my best friend."

"And I'm glad you're mine."

* * *

><p>"Do you maybe want to get up and get some popsicles from the freezer?" I smiled at Matt, hoping to convince him. We were sitting in my small backyard on a blanket I'd found in my house. Despite the heat, Matt being shirtless didn't bother me, so I couldn't complain.<p>

"Sure."

"Grab me two!" He got up and ran into the house, passing me the popsicles before going to lie down on his back with his hands behind his head. I went to lie on my stomach next to him head propped up on one hand. He smiled at me before closing his eyes, and I ripped the wrapper open, starting to eat, watching his face. He looked calm and content, and I decided to keep quiet for a while so I wouldn't ruin that. A few minutes had passed before he opened one eye to look at me.

"You've been quiet for a while."

"A while? You act like I'm never quiet."

"Unless you're studying or reading you're usually not."

"Just thinking."

I crossed my arms on the ground to rest my face on my hands, keeping my head turned so I could look at him. "About what?" He started running his fingers through my hair. I could tell he was curious as to what I was thinking, and as much as I didn't want to have a serious conversation and ruin the moment, I didn't want to act like nothing was bothering me.

"What's going to happen to us? Once we're out of high school, and everything." He looked confused and almost hurt, and I rushed to explain myself. "It's just that Shay and I were talking about it the other day, about college and all that. I know we've only been together for a little, but you may want to go off to California or something." He looked confused. "Your life goals obviously shouldn't revolve around me, it's just that I don't know what I'd do if you left." His face softened, I think he could tell I was more worried than anything.

"I'm not really sure if schools in California have great hockey teams." He grinned at me and I gave him a serious look. "I was planning on staying in Chicago. Or maybe somewhere close by. Gabs you don't have to worry about this you know?"

"I know, trust me. It's just that…" I trailed off, taking my eyes off of him and looking at the grass. "I really can't imagine what I'd do without you. Even if we broke up or something, I'd still want to be friends."

"Gabby, why are you thinking about this?"

"I don't know! I just like to know how things are going to happen. I want to be ready for things when they happen okay. I don't need someone I care about leaving or some huge tragedy to throw my life out of whack again." My jaw was clenched, still avoiding eye contact with Matt as I could feel myself getting upset. Matt put his hand on my cheek, turning my face to look at him. His eyes were soft and I could feel myself relaxing, almost as if I was melting into his gaze.

"I'm not just going to pull the rug out from under you alright? And if anyone else does I'll be there to help you deal with it." I nodded and leaned over, kissing him lightly before resting my forehead against his, our lips barely a centimeter apart.

"I love you." I said quietly. I could feel my heart racing, and I didn't breathe while waiting for his response. A moment later I felt him smile, and his lips were against mine again. I smiled and laughed as he started to pepper my face with kisses, before capturing my lips in his again. He pulled back and I did the same so I could see his expression. It was of pure joy, and as nervous as I'd been I was glad I told him, because that face just reaffirmed my feelings.

"I love you too."


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey, so I know that things in this chapter may not be 100% accurate to how it was explained in the show (if it even was explained I haven't re-watched season one in forever). So hopefully you can excuse that. Also I feel horrible for not updating! I'm very sorry. Honestly I had no ideas and when I got one school became incredibly busy. Hopefully you enjoy this, thank you for reading!**

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><p>I'd been lying around my house all day. Our air conditioner had been broken and it was finally fixed, so I'd basically just been sitting around reading. I'd ordered a pizza, because my mom was actually going to be home for dinner which was strange since we hadn't spoken much lately. Not that we usually did, but we'd barely even passed one another on her way to work because I'd been out so much. I picked up my phone, checking to see if Matt had messaged me. We hadn't spoken all day either, which was strange. It wasn't like we spent all day texting or anything, but usually he'd send me a message asking how I was doing. Realizing I'd been reading all day and could've messaged him I wasn't mad, but I contemplated calling him to see how he was doing.<p>

I was about to run upstairs and get my phone when the doorbell rang. Walking over to the door quickly I checked the peephole, seeing Matt standing there with his back to the door. Opening it quickly I said his name tentatively, wondering why he was here when we hadn't made any plans. He turned around at the noise of the door opening, and I took in his tear stained face and red eyes, my heart dropping at the sight of him. I stepped forward slightly, putting my arm on his and pulling him inside the house.

"Matt, what's going on? What's wrong?" He let out a sob and I wrapped my arms around him tightly, holding him to me and letting him cry. His face in the crook of my shoulder, and my neck getting wet from his tears we stood there for what felt like forever. I felt nauseous, wondering what was making him cry, and my own eyes were tearing up from seeing him like this. Eventually he wrapped his arms tight around my waist, pulling me to him. I rubbed his back, trying to comfort him but not really knowing what to say. We pulled apart 15 minutes later only when the doorbell rang. I told Matt to go to the living room, and answered the door to pay for the pizza. Bringing it to the kitchen I grabbed a tissue box, leaving the pizza on the counter and walking out to the living room. Matt's eyes opened when I sat on the couch next to him, crossing my feet under me so I could sit facing him.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

He bit his lip, taking in a few deep breaths. "My uh-" his voice cracked and I took his hand in mine, squeezing it. "My mom killed my dad."

I inhaled sharply, then realized I should maybe think about how I was going to react because it might affect him. I shook my head, wondering what happened but not wanting to ask, attempting to keep a neutral expression on my face so as not to upset him. He must've figured what I was thinking, because he spoke up again.

"My dad called me, two nights ago. Just, freaking out." He grabbed a tissue, wiping at his eyes. "He was yelling at me, and talking about how worthless I was. My mom heard, and she saw how upset I was." His lower lip started to wobble and I brought my hand up to his shoulder, rubbing it in hopes of comforting him. "It's my fault really. I left my keys to my dad's house- on the counter and she got a hold of them and…" I pulled him towards me, wrapping my arms around him, hugging him as he cried some more. I tried to keep my feelings in check for Matt's sake. But I was mad. Mad at his dad, for being such an asshole, and mad at his mom for not controlling her temper even though I could maybe understand why she did it. Eventually he pulled away, grabbing a tissue to wipe at his eyes.

"This is probably a really stupid question, but how do feel?"

He let out a humorless laugh. "I'm sad. And angry. We were doing so well." He looked at me in the eye for the first time since he'd come in my house. He looked worried, and opened his mouth to say something before shutting it again. I waited for him to be comfortable saying whatever he wanted to say. "Is it bad that I'm almost relieved he'd not here anymore?"

I shook my head. "No. Matt, he may have been your father, but he made your life hell. I think I would be relieved too." He nodded, and leaned over, resting his head on my chest. I brought one hand up to run through his hair, and kept the other holding his. "Do you know where you're going to live?"

"With my aunt Jodie. I should actually probably get back there."

"You can stay here if you want." At the look on his face I rushed to cover up my disappointment. "I get it though, if you want to be with your family."

"No, Gabs. That's not it. I want to be with you. Is it okay though, with your mom?"

I waved my hand. "It'll be fine." He nodded and we sat there in silence for a moment.

With all the of the questions and everything running through my mind I figured it would be much worse for Matt. I thought back to when my dad died, trying to remember how I'd dealt with it. I realized I hadn't. My mom hadn't dealt with it, so I eventually I just started to compartmentalize, pushing all of the sadness and anger and frustration aside. It wasn't healthy for me, and I knew I didn't want Matt to do the same. I knew I wanted to help him through this.

"I love you." I muttered quietly, not wanting the disrupt the strangely calm silence we'd been sitting in.

"I love you too."

* * *

><p>We were walking to get ice cream from a new place that had opened up. He'd been living at his aunts home for almost two weeks now, and summer was about halfway through. We'd been mostly spending time at my house and in air conditioned restaurants. The heat was close to unbearable, and neither of us had pools or wanted to bear the community ones. So we took comfort in the air conditioning and cold desserts being served.<p>

Matt, Shay and I hadn't hung out the three of us since before everything happened with Matt's family. I'd seen Shay a few times, but I mostly spent my time with Matt, making sure he was okay. Matt was reluctant to see Shay, and I knew soon I'd have to insist to him that he couldn't avoid her forever. Plus I felt like shit avoiding Shay. I missed her and felt like a terrible friend.

We'd been walking in silence for the most part, so when Matt spoke up I jumped slightly. "What was it like when your dad died?" I stopped for a moment in surprise. Realizing my reaction I kept walking, taking a few larger steps to catch up with him.

I thought about it for a moment, and I could see Matt was nervous, probably wondering if he'd crossed a line of some sort. After thinking out my answer, which likely took a while since I wanted to be as honest as possible, I spoke up. "Sad. The worst few months of my life." My fathers death was definitely something I avoided thinking about, so now that I was I could feel my stomach tightening. "My heart felt heavy for weeks. Every time I saw my mom, she was crying. Antonio disappeared for a while. I felt alone, and angry. I was really sad." I looked over to see Matt's expression. He looked sad so I smiled at him, taking his hand in mine. "I don't know. It was like the only thing I could think about was how much I missed him. I didn't care about anything else. But I also didn't really make an effort to talk to anyone. And once I was done being sad I just shut down about it. My mom got rid of everything that reminded her off him. I stopped trying to work through it in my head. I still haven't worked through it, I think. There's a lot I didn't allow myself to feel." He squeezed my hand and I leaned over, kissing him on the cheek softly. "I want you to work through what you're feeling."

"I think I have." I stopped walking and he stopped alongside me. I looked at his face carefully, making sure he wasn't lying. His eyes didn't look hurt or sad like they had the first few days after, so I nodded in content, pressing a kiss to his lips. I was about to speak up when he said "you worry too much" and kept walking, pulling me along.

* * *

><p>Since my mom was hardly ever home, the noise in the kitchen was foreign to me. It was 7 in the morning, and normally I wouldn't get up but I was curious as to what exactly my mom was doing downstairs. Getting out of bed I pulled on a sweatshirt, heading down the stairs. My confusion grew when I walked passed the front door and saw a suitcase. Hurrying into the kitchen I saw my mom, dressed like she was ready to go, leaning against the kitchen counter writing a note.<p>

"Hey." She looked up and smiled at me, standing straight and turning to face me. "What's going on?"

"Gabriela, you grandmother died."

I raised my eyebrows, curious but not too surprised or sad. I knew my grandmother was old, and I hadn't seen her since I was around two years old. I'd never gotten a chance to know her, so her death wasn't too upsetting to me. I knew my mom was probably upset though so I tried to look sympathetic. "I'm sorry mom."

She smiled sadly. "It's alright sweetheart. I um-" she cleared her throat and started fiddling with her hands and I could tell she was uncomfortable. Worried about how I would react.

"What is it?"

"I have to go. To the Dominican Republic."

My eyebrows raised higher, and my jaw dropped slightly. "What?"

"Well, I have to go deal with the funeral arrangements, sell her home and deal with her possessions and all of that."

I was pissed. But I smiled, crossing my arms over my chest. "Oh. So, you're leaving now?"

"Yes. Gabriela-"

"You were going to leave me. Here in Chicago. While you went to the Dominican Republic." I let out an unamused laugh.

"Gabriela, you understand we don't have the money for two tickets. You're a grown girl, you can take care of yourself."

"You were going to leave the country, and just leave a god damn note on the kitchen table. What the hell mom?" I knew I was raising my voice, and her expression read half pissed and half guilty. But I couldn't care. "I could probably call the cops on you if I wanted."

"Gabriela, do not speak that way-"

"What? I could! Maybe I'd end up with a half decent family. It would sure as hell be better than this family. You know we aren't even a family." I could feel tears brimming in my eyes and my face was getting hot because I was so angry. "We haven't been a family since dad died and you stopped caring about me." She had tears running down her cheeks, but I couldn't care because I did too. I bit my lip hard to urge myself to stop crying, and quieted down. "You couldn't have even told me?"

"I was working yesterday."

"You're always working."

She simply nodded, before picking up her purse and starting the leave the kitchen. "I'll only be gone for days Gabriela. I'll see you when I get home."

I nodded, and she stopped by me as she left, giving me a kiss on the cheek and telling me to be good. I stayed standing where I was until I heard the front door close.

Then I punched a hole in the wall.

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><p>It was about 3 in the afternoon when I decided to finally call Matt. I'd mostly spent the morning crying, and then throwing things around. Of course after I'd cleaned all of it up, feeling somewhat guilty for making a mess of things. I mostly sat around being angry. Angry at my mother for leaving, for not telling me. I was angry for the past few years, when she was all I had after dad died and she couldn't even be there for me. I thought my house had felt empty before, but it just felt plain miserable now.<p>

Deciding I'd done enough wallowing today, I went upstairs, grabbing my phone to call Matt. I sat on my bed waiting for him to pick up, tapping my foot on the ground in anticipation, knowing that just hearing his voice would make me feel better.

"Hey Gabs, what's up?"

"Do you know how to fix a hole in a wall?"

He showed up 15 minutes later, and after explaining what happened we went upstairs and laid in my bed, him stroking my back.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I may have even overreacted."

"Maybe punching a hole in the wall was overreacting, but I don't think the rest of it was. You have a right to be mad Gabby."

I pushed myself up on my shoulders and smiled at him. "Punching a hole in the wall really hurt my hand." He grinned at me before taking my right hand in his and bringing it up to his mouth, pressing kisses over my knuckles. I smiled and it felt like my heart was swelling with happiness just being around him. I lifted myself slightly and straddled his waist before leaning down again and kissing him.

We lay there for what felt like forever, exchanging soft kisses that felt warm and at home and made me feel so in love with him it hurt. Finally though I deepened the kiss, and feeling his tongue against mine I pushed my body closer to his, not wanting there to be any space between us. Matt's warm hands held my face, sometimes pulling me closer to kiss me harder and I was starting to feel light headed and out of breath. I slowed things down, pressing my hand against his chest and going back to those slow kisses we started out with.

Pulling myself away from him I sat up, pulling my shirt off so I was left completely bare on top. My heart was racing, and my stomach was in knots. Looking carefully at Matt, gauging his reaction I took somewhat deep breaths, aware of my chest rising and falling slightly. He was blinking slowly, his own chest rising and falling almost in time with mine, biting his lip. I was regretting doing this and about to make up some excuse when he smiled, bringing one hand up to cup my breast and the other to my face, rubbing his thumb against my cheek. "You're beautiful." I let out a quiet laugh of relief and he pushed himself up on his shoulders, somehow maneuvering his shirt off, and pulling me down.

We kissed, nothing rushed or needy like they're been before, but still somewhat desperate in away. I loved the feeling of his bare chest against mine, and his arms wrapped tightly around my back, and his mouth against mine. I wasn't sure I'd ever felt more whole than I did then, despite how shitty things had been only an hour ago. I wanted to lie there forever with Matt. His face was hot and flushed in my hands, and his hands holding my sides tightly made me feel like putty in his hands, and it felt amazing.

Thinking maybe we should move things on, I brought a hand down to my pants, ready to pull my shorts off. Matt pulled away from my mouth then, grabbing my hand and bringing it up. My eyebrows knit in confusion and he gave me a peck on the lips, interlacing his fingers with mine and bringing his other hand up, rubbing his thumb against my swollen lips.

"Hey, as much as I want to do this, I don't think now is the right time."

I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. "Now is the perfect time. My mom is gone for the week and we're already shirtless."

His grin made my chest tighten, because I was sure I was in love with his smile. "You've had an emotional day. I want you to be sure." Before I could protest he put a finger to my lips. "Also, neither of us have a condom. We can wait Gabs."

I crossed my arms on his chest, resting my head on them and letting out a hum. "Who would've thought you'd be the sensible one in this relationship." The grin I got in response made me smile just as wide. "We'll do it soon though."

He faked confusion, cocking his head to the side and asking, "do what?"

"Have sex, you dumb ass."

"Hey, I may be respectful but I am also a teenage boy. Don't worry." We smiled at each other for a moment. "I love you."

"I love you too. So much."

* * *

><p>Shay and I had been hanging out for the past three days. The day after my mom left she came over with groceries, and comfortable clothes to last her a few days. Apparently Matt had called her and we had some missed time to make up for. I agreed of course, having been missing Shay since I hadn't seen her in a while.<p>

She'd been weirdly smiley though. Not that it wasn't good, but usually Shay was sarcastic, and often had a calm, 'I don't give a shit' attitude. But she'd been smiling a lot.

We had just started re-watching the first season of The X-Files for the third time when I decided to bring it up. I poked her with my big toe until she tore her eyes away from the screen with an annoyed expression. "What do you want? Why aren't you paying attention?"

"Why are you so happy?"

"Am I not allowed to be happy?"

I rolled my eyes. "No of course you're allowed to be happy. Just wondering. You getting laid or something?" I asked sarcastically, but sat up abruptly when she started to blush. Pausing the show despite her protests. "You're getting laid!?"

"Why'd you even say that, that's such a weirdly adult thing to say."

"I don't know, I said it jokingly. Who are you dating now?"

"This girl named Devon. She's really hot and goes to that one catholic school."

I grinned. "I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"Hey, you've been avoiding me!"

I bit my lip, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry girl. It's just.. Matt-"

She waved her hand stopping me. "He called and explained. He also told me you two almost slept together a few days ago."

My eyes widened. "He told you that!?" I hissed.

"Please, don't act so traumatized. I told him he could always talk to me about girls if he wanted. It's not like you wouldn't have told me anyways." She gave me a pointed look and I grinned. "I was considering telling him about how you got so good at kissing."

I glared at her. "Don't you dare."

"C'mon, it was summer camp and we were like 12. There's nothing wrong with kissing girls."

"It was for practice! I was convinced no boy would ever like me if I didn't know how to kiss." I whined slightly.

"Don't worry about it. Although I did have huge crush on you."

"Really!?" I smiled and Shay rolled her eyes.

"Don't let it inflate your ego. It only lasted like a week. Caroline Burns was a lot cuter than you were.

"I take personal offense to that."

"Whatever."

She leaned over to press play and I intervened. "Nope, not until you tell me everything about Devon."

"Alright, but you have to tell me everything about Matt."

"Of course. What else would best friends be for?"


End file.
